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Donsquishima
06-08-2008, 03:16 PM
A woman that I know is asking me for advice about a dillemma that she is supposedly having at her place of work. She works in a professional office environment and she thinks that there is a male co-worker that is constantly "looking" at her in a certain kind of way. This woman is very plain looking and covers herself up well. She is constantly thinking that many men look at her, but she keeps talking about this one man that never ever communicates with her, and keeps insisting to me that he is a very weird man with shifty eyes. I think she has a crush on him which is why she keeps talking about him. The last time she spoke to me about this matter she told me she was going to file a complaint against him, but I think she is in the wrong. I believe that the reason why she thinks that he is looking at her is because she likes him, but is too afraid to approach him. I believe that she is confusing her feelings for him, and that she wants to file the complaint out of anger, due to the fact that he never acknowledges her. I don't know how to tell her how I feel about this, she does not accept criticism well and can be very rude at times when others don't agree with her. This man's job may be at stake, and I honestly think he has no feelings for her whatsoever. Should I contact her employer and tell them the situation or should I keep my mouth shut?

Kittie
06-08-2008, 03:26 PM
Keep your mouth shut.
What goes on in the office, isn't your business.

Just ask her, do you have a crush on him? You're not in grade 3 right?

mr ed
06-08-2008, 04:02 PM
yeah mouth shut.

RuMoR
06-08-2008, 04:23 PM
Wait, so rather than communicate her feelings to him, she jumps right to filing a complaint about him? Wow am I ever comforted to know that being shy might just get me on a sexual harassment case.

Light_Keeper
06-08-2008, 05:04 PM
/ubbthreads/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/no_no.gif
You should not tell her boss.
Perhaps speak to the guy and ask him how he feels about her and tell him he might be sending the wrong type of body language to her.Tell him you thought he should be aware of the situation, as you have some concerns for your friend.
JMOP

weasel
06-08-2008, 05:10 PM
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: lady bird</div><div class="ubbcode-body">She is constantly thinking that many men look at her, but she keeps talking about this one man that never ever communicates with her </div></div>
sounds like a self-centered woman to me...he coul be just looking at something else or just day dreaming and his eyes happen to be looking her direction.

You shouldnt tell the boss as its none or your business....if she files a complaint, let her. They need to prove he is harrassing her. Its really unfortiunate for this guy but also in the mean time what if its true? What if she dont file a complaint and then next thing you know he is grabbing her behind.

I dunno, its a real difficult situation in my eyes. Best that you stay out of it, or then she'll be focusing on you for getting involved

Bufford
06-08-2008, 05:13 PM
stick your finger in a friends pot and you get burnt, what goes on at a (friends)office is none of your bees wax!

jaydee
06-08-2008, 05:16 PM
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: lady bird</div><div class="ubbcode-body">A woman that I know is asking me for advice about a dillemma that she is supposedly having at her place of work. She works in a professional office environment and she thinks that there is a male co-worker that is constantly "looking" at her in a certain kind of way. This woman is very plain looking and covers herself up well. She is constantly thinking that many men look at her, but she keeps talking about this one man that never ever communicates with her, and keeps insisting to me that he is a very weird man with shifty eyes. </div></div>

maybe shes just paranoid /ubbthreads/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/crazy.gif

Sophie's_Mommy
06-08-2008, 05:33 PM
i would keep my mouth shut, i hope this guy is not married with ,kids and then she goes and makes a complaint to get him fired and he has to explain to his wife he got fired for harassing a female coworker, she could make him loose his job and his family, i think this women is a bit crazy. JMO..jealousy is a bad bad thing. Is she really that self centered that she thinks any guy who may happen to look at her is checking her out all the time? that is sad, she needs to get a life and leave this poor guy alone.
But if he is harassing her then i guess she should tell but i dont think he is, i think she is just jealous he does not pay attention to her, u dont work with her so u wouldn't know the real situation..so it is easy for her to make up her own little stories..

vixen
06-08-2008, 05:37 PM
Oh boy I m going to go to hell for this one but " is it possible that moooochi could be right? I mean Thats what I was think maybe shes reading way to much into this"
[This woman is very plain looking and covers herself up well. She is constantly thinking that many men look at her, but she keeps talking about this one man that never ever communicates with her, and keeps insisting to me that he is a very weird man with shifty eyes.] Thats what caught my attention.

mboy67
06-08-2008, 05:50 PM
Your friend is showing signs of having a problem. I think she may need help. Stay out of the work thing for now unless it goes bad then go tell your piece. Speak to her and don't be afraid to say what your thinking. if she no longer want to speak to you then so be it.

Anapeg
06-08-2008, 06:55 PM
Don't stick your oar in unless you are prepared to paddle. Once you are involved you are in it all the way.

Barney Rubble
06-08-2008, 06:56 PM
we are talkin bout a witch here aren't we?
shouldn't this be in hex files?

iluvchristian
06-09-2008, 09:14 PM
I didn't realize you could get a sexual harrasment charge for merely looking at someone. I often find myself drifting off into space and had been told it look like I was staring. Hmm, better make sure I keep my eyes up at the sky or down at the ground!!

jaydee
06-09-2008, 09:16 PM
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: IluvUChristiaN</div><div class="ubbcode-body">I didn't realize you could get a sexual harrasment charge for merely looking at someone. I often find myself drifting off into space and had been told it look like I was staring. Hmm, better make sure I keep my eyes up at the sky or down at the ground!! </div></div>

You cant... when i stare its either cause they look familiar and im gonna go up to them and talk or they are very pretty otherwise i dont

Larimar
06-09-2008, 09:38 PM
I do not want to be flammed for saying this, but to throw away her feelings of uncomfort around this man may be unjustified.
I can't argue about how you feel.
Anyone not agree with that?
If someone tells me they are sad, there's no use me fighting them on that fact by telling them they are really angry.

There's no justification in argueing someone's feeling in any situation, unfortunately-it doesn't work well.
You feel how you feel no matter how un-real it sounds.



Would that be the best interpretation of her feelings? That she has a crush?


This woman feels uncomfortable at this man's glares. (That's the only fact we know for certain).



Since we havn't seen this behaviour, is it possible she may have a valid point, or does her history with you suggest personality/social difficulties and a lying behaviour?

I'm just trying to understand why you think she may be dissacociating her feelings.






Though a good friend or person is there to listen to us vent and offer support, there are certain boundaries.
We are friends to people, not authorities in their life. Exercising that type of control will end in disaster. The mind frame that our friends are wrong and we are right can make for a long road ahead. You'd probably want to avoid the stress in either case.



LadyBird, your intentions to save a man's job are noble, though have faith in the Boss or authority figures at her workplace to come up with a suitable solution. The other person has rights as well and her complaints will only go so far if they are not justified.

Macs II
06-09-2008, 09:45 PM
Long posts are waste of time ....nobody reads them. Learn to get your point across with couple of sentences.

Larimar
06-09-2008, 09:56 PM
The spaces must make it look long for you..same as when i cut a cookie in half to make a child think they are being given more. Sorry about that Macs.

Macs II
06-09-2008, 10:06 PM
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Dreamspirit</div><div class="ubbcode-body">The spaces must make it look long for you..same as when i cut a cookie in half to make a child think they are being given more. Sorry about that Macs. </div></div>

It don't bother me at all ....but they really should be teaching you in school how to say it with less words and how to get your point across without writing a novel ...but I guess it's their way to force students to write more.

adigirl
06-09-2008, 10:08 PM
Let's play, spot the errors!!! OK Macs, thanks for starting us off. Can you see your error in your post?

jaydee
06-09-2008, 10:09 PM
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Macs</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Dreamspirit</div><div class="ubbcode-body">The spaces must make it look long for you..same as when i cut a cookie in half to make a child think they are being given more. Sorry about that Macs. </div></div>

It don't bother me at all ....but they really should be teaching you in school how to say it with less words and how to get your point across without writing a novel ...but I guess it's their way to force students to write more. </div></div>

DreamSpirit must of been really good in English

Chaotic Chick
06-09-2008, 10:10 PM
I see it! I see it! lol

adigirl
06-09-2008, 10:10 PM
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: adigirl</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Let's play, spot the errors!!! OK Macs, thanks for starting us off. Can you see your error in your post? </div></div>


Good job Macs!!! Whooo hoooo!

jaydee
06-09-2008, 10:13 PM
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Chaotic Chick</div><div class="ubbcode-body">I see it! I see it! lol </div></div>

i see nothing pocket full of sunshine

Macs II
06-09-2008, 11:28 PM
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: adigirl</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Let's play, spot the errors!!! OK Macs, thanks for starting us off. Can you see your error in your post? </div></div>

me no see nothing adgirl

jaydee
06-09-2008, 11:30 PM
mooochi needs to go for a walkie

Macs II
06-09-2008, 11:31 PM
don't forget to take your walkie talkie

jaydee
06-09-2008, 11:31 PM
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Macs</div><div class="ubbcode-body">don't forget to take your walkie talkie </div></div>

no talkie... andMacs likes 3 doors down??

Macs II
06-09-2008, 11:33 PM
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: moooochi</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Macs</div><div class="ubbcode-body">don't forget to take your walkie talkie </div></div>

no talkie... andMacs likes 3 doors down?? </div></div>


3 doors down from me lives a hippo

jaydee
06-09-2008, 11:35 PM
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Macs</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: moooochi</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Macs</div><div class="ubbcode-body">don't forget to take your walkie talkie </div></div>

no talkie... andMacs likes 3 doors down?? </div></div>


3 doors down from me lives a hippo </div></div>

/ubbthreads/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/rofl.gif

KWB
06-10-2008, 12:07 AM
UR ASKING HERE,???????? boy is she in trouble

lk_wicked
06-10-2008, 12:36 PM
I wonder why people never think about some common sense.

If this woman is uncomfortable with this man allegedly looking at her. Then why not tell her to at least approach him first and simply ask him if there is something he wants. Especially during a time when he is looking at her. IF he doesnt want anything, then walk away and leave it at that. If he does want something, then she has given him the opportunity to tell her if he is interested in her. and she can politely let him know she is either interested or not interested. Ever think maybe he is shy too.? I certainly wouldn't file a complaint about something so vague and possibly jeapordize his reputation, or her own. And being shy is no excuse. Perhaps if she did not spend so much time looking in his direction. Maybe he is wondering why she keeps looking at him. If she is being paranoid and looking at him to see if he is looking at her.....get my drift. The direct approach is always best.

lk_wicked
06-10-2008, 12:37 PM
And for the record, the person making this enquiry, stay out of it, nomatter who is right or wrong, you putting yourself in the middle gives either of them a scapegoat to blame the misunderstanding on.

dancingqueen
06-10-2008, 01:02 PM
ya, stay out of it. If she files a complaint, whoever is in charge will handle it and likely appropriately.

GoldDogs
06-10-2008, 01:38 PM
If you work in the same office, then just keep a look out on your friend, but it isn't your place to place judement on anyone to a supervisor or boss. YOU may be the one getting someone in trouble.

Perhaps your friend is all talk, and won't make the complaint.

Perhaps he really is out to get her.

If you aren't in the same office, then how could you possibly say anything? The person isn't going to know who you are, or what you have to do with anything. You don't even work there, you aren't even family.

I'd just let it pass or let your friend do what she feels she must. The only thing you can do, is be there for her.

nickolai
06-10-2008, 01:45 PM
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: lady bird</div><div class="ubbcode-body">A woman that I know is asking me for advice about a dillemma that she is supposedly having at her place of work. She works in a professional office environment and she thinks that there is a male co-worker that is constantly "looking" at her in a certain kind of way. This woman is very plain looking and covers herself up well. She is constantly thinking that many men look at her, but she keeps talking about this one man that never ever communicates with her, and keeps insisting to me that he is a very weird man with shifty eyes. I think she has a crush on him which is why she keeps talking about him. The last time she spoke to me about this matter she told me she was going to file a complaint against him, but I think she is in the wrong. I believe that the reason why she thinks that he is looking at her is because she likes him, but is too afraid to approach him. I believe that she is confusing her feelings for him, and that she wants to file the complaint out of anger, due to the fact that he never acknowledges her. I don't know how to tell her how I feel about this, she does not accept criticism well and can be very rude at times when others don't agree with her. This man's job may be at stake, and I honestly think he has no feelings for her whatsoever. Should I contact her employer and tell them the situation or should I keep my mouth shut? </div></div>

If she files a complaint against him that you feel is unjust provide him a written letter indicating your experiences with the complainant.