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Macs II
09-26-2008, 11:35 PM
If you are/were overweight and your significant other keeps telling to lose weight,would you do it or would you be happy with the way you are even if it caused problems in your relationship?

Simba
09-26-2008, 11:37 PM
no I wouldn't be happy with myself.

cutie22
09-26-2008, 11:40 PM
If I was overweight and my partner couldn't handle it I would tell him to leave. Because obviously he doesn't love me for who I am.

Macs II
09-26-2008, 11:44 PM
by problems I mean ....lets say you notice that your partner isn't as attracted to you as he/she was before ...they may still love you but just not be physically attracted to you anymore

cutie22
09-26-2008, 11:46 PM
If they aren't attracted to me anymore because I gained weight then I wouldn't want them to stay. Attraction to me does take part in a relationship to some degree.

Simba
09-27-2008, 12:00 AM
I would want to look good for my husband.

great body
09-27-2008, 12:22 AM
Cutie, what you are saying a partner is allowed to be obese. Not saying you, just anyone.

chase_me
09-27-2008, 12:25 AM
Well i am a hell of a lot heavier now then i was when hemi and i met and got together but he still loves me because it was partially his fault i am overweight now lol. But if he had a problem with the way i looked he could leave, if he cannot love me for who i am and be attracted to me no matter how i look now then we do not belong together.

sereenie
09-27-2008, 12:27 AM
depends, if i was overweight because lazness or because of some medical thing or that...if it was becuase i was lazy and getting fater by the day, i would try to lose weight if he wasnt happy with me, i wouldnt be happy with someone if they gain like 30 pounds extra, ssssheeshhh.

heintzman
09-27-2008, 01:03 AM
to me , the attraction goes deeper than cosmetics,,,if your partner is that shallow, then the problem lies with them,, not the one who is overweight.

GRUMPY
09-27-2008, 01:20 AM
Actually its caused by an allergy to gold, you put a gold ring on their finger and their arse triples in size.

dancingqueen
09-27-2008, 01:43 AM
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Cutie</div><div class="ubbcode-body">If I was overweight and my partner couldn't handle it I would tell him to leave. Because obviously he doesn't love me for who I am. </div></div>

So, did you then love your partner enough if your willing to let them go so easily?

dancingqueen
09-27-2008, 01:44 AM
for the record, I would as well. I agree with Simba, You should at least make an attempt to look good for your partner, especially if they do it for you.

Simba
09-27-2008, 02:13 AM
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Grumpy</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Actually its caused by an allergy to gold, you put a gold ring on their finger and their arse triples in size. </div></div>

omg Grumpy that was the funniest thing I've heard all day!

heintzman
09-27-2008, 03:42 AM
so , my partner of life , my husband , in this case,,gained a little weight,, he still rocks my world,,,cause we have a connection that can't be beat!! we love each other , for better or for worse,,in sickness and health,, to deat...yada yada,,, yada,,, get the pic?

gouligann
09-27-2008, 05:35 AM
When you are overweight (not from a medical reason) you are already self concious about it. Being told you are unattractive by your partner is not a nice feeling. It really hurts. You go through quite a range of emotions.

Hearing it, does one of two things. You either fall more into a depressive, I am angry, I am eating what I want, leave me if you don't like it attitude, OR it may be enough to make you want to do something about yourself.

I've seen overweight friends suddenly drop three sizes when their spouses started looking elsewhere, or when faced with divorce.

If physical attraction is that important to your spouse, and your relationship is truly important to you, then as hard as it is to do, I think a person should try to work on it.

Set a realistic goal, seek support, and with every small success, you will feel better about yourself. If your spouse sees that you are trying, and are happier with yourself, your relationship with improve.

blueeyedgirl
09-27-2008, 09:26 AM
When I met hubby I was a really thin teenager. About 4 years ago I went on a medication and gained 50 pounds over an 8 month period. I was never happy with the weight gain but never really did anything about it. Hubby never said anything about it and I never did feel his love change for me. If he were to ever call me fat in a serious manner or ridicule my weight i am sorry but i would not stand for that. Now I have joked about my weight gain with him and he has joked back with sayings like "more cushion for the pushing" and stuff like that. I got to a point where i was sick of the extra weight because it brought some medical issues. So I went on the diet the Dr has suggested and it is working great. If my hubby were to tell me to lose weight because he was not attracted to me anymore then i would have to decide if i would want to hold on to this relationship or not.

tasma
09-27-2008, 09:41 AM
Corky that is exactly how I feel about my husband! He is heavier now than 12 yrs ago when we first met and so am I. I don't ridicule him but I probably nag about how much he eats ie chocolate bars. I love him no matter what size he is but...I'm trying to show him that you can eat one with the same satisfaction of three at a time and I want him to be around when my son is married with kids and we can plan a retirement together. His dad passed away at a young age due to heart and stroke problems, he was heavy but not obese. He won't listen to me when I practically beg him to exersize, I don't know what else to do.

cutie22
09-27-2008, 09:55 AM
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: fugly</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Cutie, what you are saying a partner is allowed to be obese. Not saying you, just anyone. </div></div>

I know ppl that are overweight do to medical problems and no matter what they do they cannot change it.

lynys
09-27-2008, 10:13 AM
Well, it is actually a fact that in most cases, physical attraction is the top thing men look for in their relationships. So, what happens when that need is no longer being met by the spouse? They look elsewhere.

I would be glad to have my spouse (or partner) want me to be healthier and in better physical condition if I was overweight. It sure beats finding out your spouse is cheating on you (those who have been in my shoes know the feeling) But, I guess at the same time, when they DO cheat, you will jump onboard of the "infidelity diet" where you cannot eat, sleep, are a basket of nerves, and most usually lose a lot of weight fast... (for me it was 15 pounds in two weeks)

I guess it would all depend on HOW you want to lose that weight. /ubbthreads/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/wink.gif

Seriously though, if I was unhappy with my spouses' appearance, I would do what I could to motivate them to get in shape. Suggesting exercising when we are bored, cooking healthier meals, going for more walks, hiking, sports, etc. You don't have to tell them outright, and it can be subtler.

KRP
09-27-2008, 10:14 AM
I was very thin when my husband and I first got together almost 12 yrs ago. After 2 yrs of being together I started to gain weight and couldn't understand why. I wasn't until 5 yrs ago I found out I have PCOS and that was the cause of not only my weight gain that I couldn't control but also my fertility issues.

He was happy with my weight and began to realize that he preferred me with the extra weight. He didn't want me back any where near what I was when we first got together.

I'm now slowly gaining control over my weight which isn't easy with PCOS. I want to lose approx. 40 lbs and my husband doesn't want me to lose any. He chases me around more now then he did when I was very thin. To him very thin woman are not as appealing to him then someone with a little more meat on their body.

bluekrissyspikes
09-27-2008, 10:15 AM
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Grumpy</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Actually its caused by an allergy to gold, you put a gold ring on their finger and their arse triples in size. </div></div>

lol...that's so funny!! /ubbthreads/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/rofl.gif

bluekrissyspikes
09-27-2008, 10:26 AM
i don't think i would lose weight because my partner called me fat. i'd probably start hating him and thinking he was a jerk. hubby has always been into chubby girls though and i've met some of his ex's so i know i'm way better looking than them. (: i doubt he'd ever say anything like that though. i wouldn't expect him to stay exactly the same for all of his life just to please me. you have to expect some changes in the persons appearance to happen over years when you are in it long term. i'd be more likely to want to lose weight so that the clothes i like would fit me better.

kodak57
09-27-2008, 10:30 AM
dosent this depend on how much overweight?obesity is a very unhealthy condition,i for one harp on my wife quite a bit for her weight,but that is only for her health,her family has a history of being heavey and diabeties,heart problems run in her family,i only harp because i want her to be around for the next 30 years..

bluekrissyspikes
09-27-2008, 10:33 AM
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: steve</div><div class="ubbcode-body">dosent this depend on how much overweight?obesity is a very unhealthy condition,i for one harp on my wife quite a bit for her weight,but that is only for her health,her family has a history of being heavey and diabeties,heart problems run in her family,i only harp because i want her to be around for the next 30 years.. </div></div>

that's true. i guess it would also depend on how fast the weight was put on. it would be kinda weird not to say anything if your partner gained a hunded pounds in a couple months but there is no need to be rude about it. but say, if they gained 10 lbs a year or something...no biggy

lynys
09-27-2008, 10:34 AM
Plain and simple, too much weight gain is not health; no matter how long it took. I would want my partner to say something AND to put forth the effort to HELP me if I was in that situation. We all know losing weight is not easy, so the extra motivation does go a long way! /ubbthreads/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/smile.gif

great body
09-27-2008, 11:13 AM
Health condition, she lost weight, no excuse

http://www.cnn.com/2008/HEALTH/diet.fitness/09/26/weightloss.angela.stokes/index.html

Madmax
09-27-2008, 01:58 PM
Like i always say if you skinny before marriage, you better be that way after it or lose the fat and/or you could lose your marriage.

Some ppl think that its ok after being married to get all sloppy and sluggish, but 99% of the time the other partner has also married you for what you look like as that is in everyones nature to do so and then they married you for who you are and thirdly they married you in hopes to raise a family together.

Simba
09-27-2008, 02:00 PM
I have nothing against over weight people however I do believe that is somewhat self inflicted. I keep hearing how illness causes obesity. I think it is more so obesity causes illnesses. There are some illnesses that do cause some sort of weight gain but not to the extreme.
I have been on meds that have caused weight gain. It was up to me to prevent that from happening. I'm sorry but you have to get your a$$ in gear and get moving. Lots of people use these illness and conditions as an excuse for their weight issues. They do nothing about it. Everybody knows that it takes excersise and a proper diet. No one says you have to be super skinny.
Self discipline is what it takes.
If you are the type that is lazy, sitting on the couch watching tv all the time with little or no activity then what do you expect? It's not the illness making you fat, it's YOU. You can have all the surgeries you want. You'll lose the weight, but you have to tone up after that. Simply eating less won't do it. Some over weight people walk around sloppy as hell, wearing the wrong clothes. Like come on! If you are overweight carry yourselves properly.

If your spouse tells you nicely that you have a weight problem and he/she is less attracted to you then it is up to you to do something about it, not just for him or her, but yourself.

Madmax
09-27-2008, 02:05 PM
I agree with Simba, but one thing .... it is an illness for many ppl .... which = a Mental Illness ... which = they think they can't get up and exercise anymore cause they are so fat.

Yeah there is those ppl who have a medical condition .. were not talking about those ppl, but for those individuals who drink pop all day and eat potatoe chips, pizza, McDonalds more then twice one a week and what have you ... you poor poor souls who are so sluggish now from what you eat ... mentally you feel/think you can't exercise.

KRP
09-27-2008, 02:14 PM
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Keebler</div><div class="ubbcode-body">It's rather hard to be physically attracted to a fat person, but from what I gather, fat people can find themselves attracted to other fat people.

</div></div>

Everyone has different opinions of what they find physically attractive and not everyone thinks that really thin people are attractive. There are people who find others that are heavier more attractive then those who are not.

As for "fat people can find themselves attracted to other fat people"... doesn't apply to everyone. I often see 'opposites" as some would say, one person is thin and the other is.

I myself am not "fat" but I am heavier then I was 12 yrs ago... when I was a teenager. As for my husband, he hasn't changed at all in 12 yrs and is a thin man (not too thin) and won't get much heavier.

I find it funny for someone to make any harsh comments towards larger people when you're not very thin yourself.

sereenie
09-27-2008, 02:35 PM
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Keebler</div><div class="ubbcode-body">It's rather hard to be physically attracted to a fat person, but from what I gather, fat people can find themselves attracted to other fat people.

</div></div>
How is it hard to physically attracted to a fat person?

Madmax
09-27-2008, 04:11 PM
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: **Sereenie**</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Keebler</div><div class="ubbcode-body">It's rather hard to be physically attracted to a fat person, but from what I gather, fat people can find themselves attracted to other fat people.

</div></div>
How is it hard to physically attracted to a fat person?</div></div>

Most ppl are not attracted to overweight people. I am not attracted to such women. I prefer the type that are fit and within a certain body structure.

If someone has let themselves go to such an extreme weight. They have no one but themselves to blame for it, unless it is a disorder they have of course. I am mainly talking about those who have eaten there way to such a build and then complain about it.

sereenie
09-27-2008, 08:03 PM
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: MadMax</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: **Sereenie**</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Keebler</div><div class="ubbcode-body">It's rather hard to be physically attracted to a fat person, but from what I gather, fat people can find themselves attracted to other fat people.

</div></div>
How is it hard to physically attracted to a fat person?</div></div>

Most ppl are not attracted to overweight people. I am not attracted to such women. I prefer the type that are fit and within a certain body structure.

If someone has let themselves go to such an extreme weight. They have no one but themselves to blame for it, unless it is a disorder they have of course. I am mainly talking about those who have eaten there way to such a build and then complain about it.
</div></div>
I agree . Im heavier., I have nobody to blame but myself, I could excercise more and eat better. But also, As a bigger person, Its how you present yourself to, Becuase alot of bigger people i see tend to not always look good, sloppy i guess.
But i guess it was more of the fat people are attracted to fat people comment. Myslef, am not attracted to Bigger guys My boyfriend is fairly slim.

Timbit
09-27-2008, 09:03 PM
I disagree madmax i think there are plenty men who like heavier woman and im not talking about obsese but woman who have some curves. My hubby prefers heavier woman, he doesnt like the bumping and grindiing of bones :P . lol and i do agree with him. I would never date a skinny guy for that reason.

i come from a family of overly sized woman and almost all of them have self esteem issues and medical issues for the way they are, but in some cases their men DONT CARE. which does put a damper on things when it affects their health. Becuase if you loved someone, my guess is that u would want to be healthy to live longer so u can spend the rest of your life with them, but also for yourself.. there is nothing wrong with a girl whos a little over weight and it all depends on what ur view of obsese is. Is it a size 12 or 14 or 16+ either way, woman of the 21st century are averaging size 12.. Just think of all the teenage girls out their who are obsessed with being soo thin. MEN LIKE CURVES..........

btw this is theluvbuggy

sereenie
09-27-2008, 09:55 PM
for myself, obease is going over 200 pounds if i hit that ever i would call myself obease but thats just my feelings about myself.

Charity
09-27-2008, 10:00 PM
I don't like to carry extra weight but I have to admit that I'm more attracted to men who are overweight than thinner men.

Tutones
09-27-2008, 10:43 PM
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: MadMax</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: **Sereenie**</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Keebler</div><div class="ubbcode-body">It's rather hard to be physically attracted to a fat person, but from what I gather, fat people can find themselves attracted to other fat people.

</div></div>
How is it hard to physically attracted to a fat person?</div></div>

Most ppl are not attracted to overweight people. I am not attracted to such women. I prefer the type that are fit and within a certain body structure.

If someone has let themselves go to such an extreme weight. They have no one but themselves to blame for it, unless it is a disorder they have of course. I am mainly talking about those who have eaten there way to such a build and then complain about it.
</div></div>

Really? I've never been what anyone would consider 'skinny' but I've sure had quite a few dates in my time. Seems like I'm doing a lot better than you in that department. Happily married, even. I was the same weight when I met my husband as I am now. I am perfectly happy with who I am and so is he. I think the people who can't look beyond society's brainwashed opinion of what is attractive are the ones with the problem. Looks fade, personalities don't. Eventually we'll all be old and paunchy, anyway.

gouligann
09-27-2008, 11:01 PM
Just to add a little humour to this thread. I saw a t-shirt once and it gave me a chuckle.

Here's what it said:

I might be fat, but you're ugly and I can diet.

The 6th Member Of AC/DC
09-27-2008, 11:05 PM
lol

T_wolfe
09-28-2008, 12:06 AM
Alot of different oppinions .......... which is awsome...

I think if one partner is going to notice the others weight gain then they have a right to say something.... IN A LOVING SUPPORTIVE WAY... I think a possitive approach would be accepted and more than likely appreciated by ones spouse. Try excercizing together... A walk.. hold hands... talk with one another... positive reinforcement rather than "your getting fat... lose it or lose me" attitude is just cruel and controlling.
Look inside the person you married... look into thier eyes... not only will you find that burning love you once had but you may see your spouses pain and be a little more gentle in the way you handle "thier" pain. Try not having that bag of chips in support of your spouse. If you truly love your wife/husband then you'll do whatever is in your heart to be there through thier ups and downs... because.... thier ups and downs ARE yours as well.. Talk to them... find out what it is thats causing the hurt they are struggling with. If you don't have an answer to support them.. be honest and say you don't... TOGETHER you can find the answer.
Standing alone in a battle........ you'll more than likely lose.
As 2.... you are an army.
That being said.. I do agree that everyone should take care of themselves NOT for thier spouse BUT FOR YOURSELF!
Of course we all want to look our best for our wife/husband... it's what we WANT to do for one another.. and that is 2 fold... looking good for them.... and feeling better about yourself.
I see many people that are struggling with weight. Whether it be medical (which there are many types).. or just laziness..
NO ONE should be subjected to ridicule... stares... or even unloved...
The typical stereotyping where the world expects a woman or a man to "look" like whats on the cover of a magazine or what they see on the television..
As the old saying goes... "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder"
We are not all made the same... THANK GOD!
We are not all John Travoltas or Olivia Newton Johns..
Did I just show my age ???... LMBO!!!
The Bible says this..... if you don't believe in the Bible thats fine I am NOT here to preach. Just read ... words of encouragement..
1 Corinthians 13-4
"If I didn't love others I would be of no value what so ever. Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged. It is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. Love will last forever".

As J.S. would say... "be kind to yourself and each other"

Bouffer
09-28-2008, 01:52 PM
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Macs</div><div class="ubbcode-body">by problems I mean ....lets say you notice that your partner isn't as attracted to you as he/she was before ...they may still love you but just not be physically attracted to you anymore </div></div>

Well its not only about chubby men/women than partners loose interest. If you were chubby when u first began your relationship, i highly doubt thats the issue. Try and spice things up if you think your partner is loosing interest. You could be the sexiest person alive, and somehow your partner can loose interest, even if your not fat.

GenX
09-28-2008, 03:07 PM
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Macs</div><div class="ubbcode-body">by problems I mean ....lets say you notice that your partner isn't as attracted to you as he/she was before ...they may still love you but just not be physically attracted to you anymore </div></div>

I don't care if you're 100 pounds or 500 pounds, the physical attraction naturally fades. Then it's time to be an adult in the relationship. That's why almost half of all relationships fail.

Huggy85
09-28-2008, 03:09 PM
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: R W G R</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Macs</div><div class="ubbcode-body">by problems I mean ....lets say you notice that your partner isn't as attracted to you as he/she was before ...they may still love you but just not be physically attracted to you anymore </div></div>

I don't care if you're 100 pounds or 500 pounds, the physical attraction naturally fades. Then it's time to be an adult in the relationship. That's why almost half of all relationships fail. </div></div>

Cool. I can actually agree with you over here, Speedy.

GenX
09-28-2008, 03:13 PM
That sucks. /ubbthreads/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/smile.gif

CyLixx
09-28-2008, 04:43 PM
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: JKnxdk</div><div class="ubbcode-body">I was very thin when my husband and I first got together almost 12 yrs ago. After 2 yrs of being together I started to gain weight and couldn't understand why. I wasn't until 5 yrs ago I found out I have PCOS and that was the cause of not only my weight gain that I couldn't control but also my fertility issues.

He was happy with my weight and began to realize that he preferred me with the extra weight. He didn't want me back any where near what I was when we first got together.

I'm now slowly gaining control over my weight which isn't easy with PCOS. I want to lose approx. 40 lbs and my husband doesn't want me to lose any. He chases me around more now then he did when I was very thin. To him very thin woman are not as appealing to him then someone with a little more meat on their body. </div></div>


I totally AGREE...I used to be a tiny teen when hubby and I got together..As was he kinda..lol but we have both put on some weight over the 10 yrs we have been together..Both got bigger then we ever wanted but we still attracted NO MATTER what..

And my hubby don't want me to get back to the size i was before either...But I still wanna lose a few pounds..But definatly MEAT IS GOOD! Just depends on HOW much:S

Strife
09-28-2008, 05:12 PM
My girlfriend would be considered fat in today's society. She is a healthy 160-some pounds, and I swear 30 of it is because of her boobs /ubbthreads/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/lol.gif

Anyways, I love my girlfriend the way she is and wouldnt want her to be super skinny.

riggs
09-28-2008, 06:28 PM
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Grumpy</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Actually its caused by an allergy to gold, you put a gold ring on their finger and their arse triples in size. </div></div>

Oh Grumpy...sometimes you say what others only think... /ubbthreads/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/lol.gif /ubbthreads/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/lol.gif