06-14-2007, 10:08 PM
I love Mustard If you have children, you will probably relate to this father. As ham sandwiches go, it was perfection: a thick slab of ham on a freshbun with crisp lettuce and plenty of expensive, light brown, gourmetmustard The corners of my jaw aching in anticipation, I carried it to the tablein our backyard, picked it up with both hands but was stopped by my wifesuddenly at my side. "Here, hold Chad (our six-week-old son) while I get my sandwich," shesaid. I had him balanced between my left elbow and shoulder and was reachingagain for the ham sandwich when I noticed a streak of mustard on myfingers. Love mustard. I had no napkin. I licked it off. It was not mustard. No man ever put a baby down faster. It was the first and only time Ihave sprinted with my tongue protruding. With a washcloth in each hand,I did the sort of routine shoeshine boys do; only I did it on my tongue. Later, after she stopped crying from laughing so hard, my wife said,"Now you know why they call that fancy mustard "Poupon."