Hitting

[Macs II]

Has any one stayed with a boyfriend/husband who has hit you (even once) ? If so why ?

[Mr belsito]

if a hot chic hit me, i would like it too much!

[lynys]

Hit? Not quite. Pushed? Yes. Why? Because I was dumb.

[Macs II]

what about verbal abuse ? ......physical pain goes away in few days but words will stay for a lifetime

[axalon2003]

Does spanking count?

[Luv'inLife]

I wish my ex would have hit me instead of the verbal abuse I took for 25 years...people would have seen the scars and helped me get out, with the verbal abuse, no one ever beleived me and it took a long time for me to get the courage to leave....so glad I did, its been a great life since he's not in it!!

[Macs II]

I wish my ex would have hit me instead of the verbal abuse I took for 25 years...people would have seen the scars and helped me get out, with the verbal abuse, no one ever beleived me and it took a long time for me to get the courage to leave....so glad I did, its been a great life since he's not in it!!


I'm curious ....why didn't you just leave ? ...why did it take 25 years ?

[NewCasa]

Stockholm Syndrome

[Macs II]

Stockholm Syndrome


yeah .....I can't see any other reason really

[Giggle Squirt]

I have been getting kicked and punched for about an hour straight now. :(

[NewCasa]

Yeah but that's from the INSIDE. Have you been drinking those fancy tequila drinks?

[Giggle Squirt]

no margaritas for me... not for a while.

[NewCasa]

Good girl - just checking :)

[Macs II]

epidurals are great

[Giggle Squirt]

epidurals are great


wouldn't know.

[Macs II]

wouldn't know.

ask for one and you won't feel a thing lol

[NewCasa]

but wait till delivery - not yet

[1337]

picture too naughty, i removed it lol

[bluekrissyspikes]

my ex hit me lots of times. i'm not sure why i stayed. i know i felt sorry for him and i thought he would die without me. and when i finally did leave he drank himself to death. friggin idiot.

[dancingqueen]

yeah .....I can't see any other reason really

I can. There are many reasons why a person would stay with an abusive spouse. Although probably the most common reason, but there are many other less likely situations that could cause it to happen. If only physical abuse was so cut and dry...

[nightingale]

NO!!

[mags]

Absolutely not!

[chase_me]

he wouldn't have arms to hit me again then i woudl leave.

[Luv'inLife]

I'm curious ....why didn't you just leave ? ...why did it take 25 years ?

I ask my self that same question everyday.

[MissMuffett]

I have deserved it and so has he, but we have NEVER went to that point!! We wouldn't b together if either of us has no self control.

[dancingqueen]

I ask my self that same question everyday.

time to move on :) don't beat yourself up over it. It's over and done :love:

[Luv'inLife]

time to move on :) don't beat yourself up over it. It's over and done :love:

you are right and I live everyday alot happier...the only regret is wasting so many years.

[cutie22]

I slapped an ex across the face once and that was it, he totally deserved it. We were fighting and I was trying to leave and he wouldn't let me leave by blocking the door so I hauled off and smacked him in the face. We are not together anymore. He was also emotionally abusive to me. One to many times.

[Bufford]

IMO… When a husband/bf hits you the first time it is his fault, when he hits you the second time it is your fault, There is no justifiable reason for a woman to stay with a man who hits her, and if you do stay don’t whine to me about it, the only person you should be talking to is the one in the mirror – You know the one with the black eye and fat lip!

[rmkryan]

I once threw a phone in the direction of my bf.... :S

[Fyre]

Lmao I love when giggles posts under Ryan's account!

[Giggle Squirt]

yep i suck sometimes.

[1337]

Whats the difference (Besides the obvious) from smacking your kid on the bum if they don't act the way you want, or smacking your wife/husband on the bum if they don't act the way you want?

[Giggle Squirt]

Sometimes i am naughty just to get a smack on the bum.

[dancingqueen]

IMO… When a husband/bf hits you the first time it is his fault, when he hits you the second time it is your fault, There is no justifiable reason for a woman to stay with a man who hits her, and if you do stay don’t whine to me about it, the only person you should be talking to is the one in the mirror – You know the one with the black eye and fat lip!

That's a crock. It is not always the fault of whoever hit who. just means they got the first hit.. and the sooner women stop playing the role of perpetual victims in these situations, the sooner we can begin eliminating sexism. I don't care what yuo have between your legs, if you do the same thing that would ge a man a punch in the face, be prepared to get a punch in the face no matter what gender you are.

[Itsme]

I have never understood how any women can stay with a man who was abusive in any way. i know alot of women say, they were scared and make up many excuses as to why they stayed. but really why? I sometimes feel some of these women who stay in a abusive relationship and cry about it to their family and friends after they get beat up stay for the attention and sympathy they get from others. My SIL was one fo them, she let her husband beat her up in front of their kids and then after she would call us crying, we eventually told her that we did not want to hear it anymore and if she wanted to stay with him then to keep it to herself. But it was my husbands sister, and where my husband works he had no choice but to so something about it. He got arrested and charged but did not serve and jail time. And she went back to him..
But anyways. I dont think there is any excuse for staying in a abusive relationship period. There are all kinds of excuses, if they can think up all these excuses day after day, then they can think up a way to leave and move on.

i know im going to get attacked and told im wrong and i dont know anything, but I dont care go ahead, it is the truth and sometimes the truth hurts. I see this so much at my office and women getting lawyers ect...its disgusting. There is no reason what so ever to stay. Its nto about money, housing ect..anyone can move on and start a over.

[MaO3]

I always told my husband that two things would end our marriage, #1 infidelity #2 abuse.
If he hit me even once and no matter how much I loved him I'd take the kids and be gone.

In our 30 years together he's not so much as lifted a hand to me. We hope that our sons have the same moral fabric - of course thats what they've been taught and have seen thier whole lives.

In my opinion there is no excuse for physical violence between spouses - regardless of the situation. No excuse what-so-ever.

[Daiv]

I hit my boyfriend all the time.
He loves it... or maybe I love it?

In all seriousness, though... He has never hit me and I have never hit him (in anger).
If he is really mad and wants to hit the wall, by all means go ahead, but don't hit me.

[dancingqueen]

I have never understood how any women can stay with a man who was abusive in any way. i know alot of women say, they were scared and make up many excuses as to why they stayed. but really why? I sometimes feel some of these women who stay in a abusive relationship and cry about it to their family and friends after they get beat up stay for the attention and sympathy they get from others. My SIL was one fo them, she let her husband beat her up in front of their kids and then after she would call us crying, we eventually told her that we did not want to hear it anymore and if she wanted to stay with him then to keep it to herself. But it was my husbands sister, and where my husband works he had no choice but to so something about it. He got arrested and charged but did not serve and jail time. And she went back to him..
But anyways. I dont think there is any excuse for staying in a abusive relationship period. There are all kinds of excuses, if they can think up all these excuses day after day, then they can think up a way to leave and move on.

i know im going to get attacked and told im wrong and i dont know anything, but I dont care go ahead, it is the truth and sometimes the truth hurts. I see this so much at my office and women getting lawyers ect...its disgusting. There is no reason what so ever to stay. Its nto about money, housing ect..anyone can move on and start a over.


I am not going to attack you, but I will tell you that you are wrong. abuse is 90% psychological and 10% physical (not actual numbers because you can't really quantify this, but I think you get the idea.) There are various sources that prove that abuse and the reasons for sticking with it has nothing to do with attention seeking, and really people in this situation need their family and friends more than ever. There are countless amounts of studies done on this.

[Suze]

I have never understood how any women can stay with a man who was abusive in any way. i know alot of women say, they were scared and make up many excuses as to why they stayed. but really why? I sometimes feel some of these women who stay in a abusive relationship and cry about it to their family and friends after they get beat up stay for the attention and sympathy they get from others. My SIL was one fo them, she let her husband beat her up in front of their kids and then after she would call us crying, we eventually told her that we did not want to hear it anymore and if she wanted to stay with him then to keep it to herself. But it was my husbands sister, and where my husband works he had no choice but to so something about it. He got arrested and charged but did not serve and jail time. And she went back to him..
But anyways. I dont think there is any excuse for staying in a abusive relationship period. There are all kinds of excuses, if they can think up all these excuses day after day, then they can think up a way to leave and move on.

i know im going to get attacked and told im wrong and i dont know anything, but I dont care go ahead, it is the truth and sometimes the truth hurts. I see this so much at my office and women getting lawyers ect...its disgusting. There is no reason what so ever to stay. Its nto about money, housing ect..anyone can move on and start a over.

Annie - that just might be one of the most offensive posts on here I have ever seen, and ask anyone on here, it would be a rare thing for me to make a comment like that.
How dare you try to comment on a situation so serious that you have absolutely no experience with? You don't have the first clue about what goes on behind closed doors of an abusive relationship. I am embarrased for you at your ignorance and lack of understanding on this issue. I am one of the lucky women who got out of an abusive relationship fairly early, without kids, and let me tell you - if you were to ask anyone who knows me, I was one of the most confident, strong women they knew. If it could happen to me, then I can't even imagine how it would be for a woman who already has low self-esteem, and then had children on top of it.
You need to do yourself a favour sweetheart, do some reading, get some education on the issue, and for God's sake, stop setting this issue back 20 years.

[Konig-OV]

Suze, since you were in the relationship, why did you stay in the relationship? Obviously you didn't and you got out. So what about Annie's SIL why did she stay? Obviously you don't have the experience with that issue because you left. Honestly Suze, give 1 reason why that women stayed with her partner?

[lynys]

Because she was made to think that she could never survive on her own.

Because she believed that she deserved what she was getting.

Because she thought if she left, he would hurt/kill her.

Because she was afraid.

[The 6th Member Of AC/DC]

Should have, could have, why didnt you. Big words, until you walk in someone else's shoes...

[Suze]

Lynys beat me to it. She stayed the same reason I stayed for 4 years, I just hit that breaking point earlier than her.

What people who have never been in the situation don't understand, is that these abusive partners (and I am using partner instead of "man", because I have met a few pretty evil female abusers), don't just find their "target" randomly. I have no problem talking about my particular situation, so let's use me as an example.
I may have been an extremely confident, strong willed young woman, but I moved to Toronto for a job at 24, first time away from home, scared $hitless about making it on my own, and I met my ex my second day down there. He knew that I was at probably one of the most vulnerable stages any young woman is at their life, and he preyed on that. The way an abuser works is they build you up, build you up, and build you up, and then when you get to that point where you believe that this person is the greatest thing that ever happened to you, they knock you down. The manipulation tactics of an abuser are pretty remarkable. In my case, my ex would tell me how beatuiful I was, that I was everything to him, that he couldn't live without me. In the next breathe, he would tell me that I would never survive on my own, that I would be nothing and have nothing if it wasn't for him, and that I would have to move back to the Soo as a big failure, which everyone knew I was anyways. Next day it would be back to how wonderful I was, and that I was his life. It was completely methodical, and it worked on a trusting, naive, hopeful young girl from the North.
Abusers take away any self-worth you ever had and make you completely reliant on them, and I firmly believe that you can tell someone in an abusive relationship over and over again that they need to leave, but they will only leave when they are ready themselves.

[The 6th Member Of AC/DC]

Quote of the Day: Don't argue with stupid people. They'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.

[Amaranth]

Because she was made to think that she could never survive on her own.

Because she believed that she deserved what she was getting.

Because she thought if she left, he would hurt/kill her.

Because she was afraid.

Which is why I stayed with someone who abused me. I was told all of those things and then some. No one else would want me, I was too fat, I was too ugly, no matter who I was with, they would hit me. He had a lot of those lines. And when I did leave my abusive husband he hunted me down and stalked me and called me all the time, threatening to kill me.

My friends saw and heard what he did to me and they were afraid of him as well so no one said a thing until I met one person who told me I could do it and to get out as soon as I could. I still spent the next five years fighting him in court, being controlled by him and whoever he was able to get to go out with him at the time but now I am free of it. I have a husband who doesn't take my bank card, my keys and the phones with him to work so I can't talk to anyone or try to leave. I have a husband who would never hit me no matter what. Emotional abuse can make a woman think she will never have that though.

[tippikitty]

You just never know what goes on behind closed doors.

[Itsme]

Annie - that just might be one of the most offensive posts on here I have ever seen, and ask anyone on here, it would be a rare thing for me to make a comment like that.
How dare you try to comment on a situation so serious that you have absolutely no experience with? You don't have the first clue about what goes on behind closed doors of an abusive relationship. I am embarrased for you at your ignorance and lack of understanding on this issue. .

For you info, I have been there, before I was married. I do have experience with this. And I was one of the smart ones and left. Met a wonderful man whom i am now married to.

[tippikitty]

Yes lets us women turn on each other and really make the men happy. I use to have a very strong opinion on this issue until recently. Until you are in that situation it's hard to say if it's right or wrong. Like others have said. They're are so many reason and situations why a women stays. Try not to judge and try and be supportive regardless on how you feel about the issue. Victims need help not judgement.

[Daiv]

Well said, tippi.

[Suze]

Yes lets us women turn on each other and really make the men happy. I use to have a very strong opinion on this issue until recently. Until you are in that situation it's hard to say if it's right or wrong. Like others have said. They're are so many reason and situations why a women stays. Try not to judge and try and be supportive regardless on how you feel about the issue. Victims need help not judgement.

I completely agree, especially with that last statement: victims need help, not judgment. Which is why I am so completely offended by Annie's original post. ESPECIALLY if you are someone who has been in an abusive relationship, to then say that they stay with an abuser for attention, completely negates the severity of it and it is irresponsible to say the least.

Being one of the fortunate ones to get out of an abusive relationship has nothing to do with being "smart", it has to do with courage, realization, and support.

Put it this way, another member who is currently in an abusive relationship and possibly at the threshhold of possibly her breaking point, comes onto this thread, reads Annie's comments, and in totally validates exactly what the abuser has been doing to them. They are already feeling worthless, like they couldn't possibly leave, then to read that they are still with an abuser for attention??? Come on, how is that supposed to encourage someone to leave? Knowing that Annie has been in an abusive relationship before, and still takes this kind of callous attitude to abuse, makes the comments even more ignorant.

[tippikitty]

Unfortunately everyone is entitled to their own opinion, even tho mine is always right. ;)

[Itsme]

Unfortunately everyone is entitled to their own opinion, even tho mine is always right. ;)

LOL. Thats is true to each their own, not everyone agrees with each other. I have seen alot of people in this kind of situations, and some are afraid and some are thriving attention, even to the point of saying they were beat up that night and it never did happen. Im sorry if i offended you ( Suze) but we are all entitled to our opinions. Mine is what I wrote and yours is saying you are offended by what i wrote. Not everyone can get along or agree. Sorry.
Women need to be strong and proud. Women in abusive relationships CAN leave and CAN move on. They choose to stay. Ok you may be scared, i get that, BUT, would you rather stay and be scared or leave and be free?

[$Spendbender$]

..and you claim to be experienced with this?

YOU have GOT to be kidding me.

Suggesting that women stay with their abusers bcause they like the attention is absolutley ridiculous.

Of course if that's your opinion, it's not wrong, just ENTIRELY inaccurate.

[Daiv]

Saying that somebody is being abused for attention is completely different than somebody CLAIMING they are being abused (when they really are not) for attention.

[Igor]

Should have, could have, why didnt you. Big words, until you walk in someone else's shoes...

Exactly!

There is nothing that enrages me more than this topic, when people say there is NO EXCUSE! You don't know what you don't know.

A lot of posts that are great.

I am posting for a friend because she will not. I know what she went through for many years. Verbal is sometimes worse than physical. She has so much she would like to say, but won't. Fear is the biggest factor is all she will say! And not fear for herself but fear for her children!

You all have a good day and be nice to one another!

[Itsme]

Of course if that's your opinion, it's not wrong, just ENTIRELY inaccurate.

Not necessarily. There is no excuse. I have been there, I left. I did not go crying to people over and over about how my bf/spouse hit me or called me names. I will be there for any friend who comes to me, but after years of the same story day after day, there is not alot you can do for that person except tell them to leave the guy. they choose to stay they i can not really say much for them anymore or be there. there is a point where listening to them cry about it becomes too much. They can leave. Plain and simple. If yo dont agree with that them thats a shame. I can not make excuses for people who choose to stay. Sorry

[Konig-OV]

Because she was made to think that she could never survive on her own.

Because she believed that she deserved what she was getting.

Because she thought if she left, he would hurt/kill her.

Because she was afraid.

If she was that afraid why did she go back to him after she left?

[Konig-OV]

I realize people stay out of fear, what they are going to do if they left, but isn't there a chance to escape it all? Leave and face potentially worse beatings, or stay and continue to get beat? Atleast with leaving they stand a chance of leaving it for good!

[Igor]

Not necessarily. There is no excuse. I have been there, I left. I did not go crying to people over and over about how my bf/spouse hit me or called me names. I will be there for any friend who comes to me, but after years of the same story day after day, there is not alot you can do for that person except tell them to leave the guy. they choose to stay they i can not really say much for them anymore or be there. there is a point where listening to them cry about it becomes too much. They can leave. Plain and simple. If yo dont agree with that them thats a shame. I can not make excuses for people who choose to stay. Sorry

Quite the friend. Thank goodness that my friend had a couple of really good friends who would sit and listen. If it were not for her friends, she may not even be here. That is how bad she wanted out but was afraid!

I don't think you have a clue! No clue whatsoever!

There are a lot of people out there who are afraid. There are so very tragic endings!

[Igor]

I realize people stay out of fear, what they are going to do if they left, but isn't there a chance to escape it all? Leave and face potentially worse beatings, or stay and continue to get beat? Atleast with leaving they stand a chance of leaving it for good!

Not if you are afraid of what could happen to any children/yourself involved. Crap happens! Horrible crap! You must watch the news. Oh but not in our little quiet city! Right? WRONG!

Enough said!

[EyelashExtensions]

Abusive men flatter you, they make you think your the world. Slowly you start to get distant with friends and family. If your lucky(like I was) a few friends will stick by you. First will come the verbal abuse, then the pushing or throwing of things and then the hitting.

I was in an extremely hostile relationship, because I was not one to sit back and take what was coming to me. It slowly progressed to very violent situations. It wasn't always like that. The last year when it became physical I left. Thanks to a very very very AWESOME friend who never judged and was their when I needed a place to stay. I didn't really stay that long compared to some people, but I did so partially because I had no money. Another reason was because men like that will "groom" their women to lose family and friends. Alienate them and keep them from those that could in the end help them. I now know the tell tale signs and would avoid anything similar in the future at all costs. You also can't help who you love or have loved. I chalk it up to lesson learned!

[Konig-OV]

Not if you are afraid of what could happen to any children/yourself involved. Crap happens! Horrible crap! You must watch the news. Oh but not in our little quiet city! Right? WRONG!

Enough said!

No need to get angry. I am not ignorant enough to dismiss that the fact that it happens here.

[Igor]

Who said I am getting angry? Not at you anyways.

I have to admit that there are a few comments that are just ridiculous.

[yoda]

I think that verbal and physical abuse go hand in hand. Often the victim has no self confidence anymore and are left feeling hopeless and ashamed of their situation