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MissMuffett
09-04-2009, 10:31 AM
When do grandparents find a fine law between respecting our wishes as parents and being a grandparent. I asked my dad yesterday NOT to do sumthing and he purposedly did it. He said he raised 5 kids and we r still alive, and he wouldn't hurt them. When do my choices as a parent matter!! I left after an hour, I was upset how they totally didn't care about my opinions. He's 65 my mom said he's not going to change. What do I do now?? I told my dad until he respects my decisions as a parent I'm not going to come over, he said fine, that's ur choice and I don't think he gets it. Help!! How do I make him understand my decisions r important too. They r very sick, and the dr says they have a couple months to live. But my mom has been ill for years and this isn't the first time she was told she has a couple months left. I love my parents and I've tried to b there for them, but how can I when they don't care about my opinions, and feelings. HELP!!

H.E. Pennypacker
09-04-2009, 10:36 AM
go with the flow and enjoy your time with them instead of if something were to happen they leave and you're going to be mad at them, blaming yourself for the next x amount of years. if they only have x amount left to live, i wouldn't want to be limiting my children's time with them.

Barry Morris
09-04-2009, 11:04 AM
It would not surprise me in the least if the time came when you realize old dad was right, and you have blown it raising your kids. But it will be way too late.

dancingqueen
09-04-2009, 11:28 AM
I would do the same... Grin and bear it. unless safety is an issue. Then I'm not sure what I'd do.

Jack Butler
09-04-2009, 11:48 AM
What influence did he have over his parents when dealing with you?

icecapp
09-04-2009, 11:50 AM
I guess im lucky, both my inlaws and my parents respect my and my husbands wishes to a tee, what gos on when im not there is there choice how they handle there discpline, to them.. both my parents or my husbands parents would not do a thing to hurt any of my kids.... they know how me and my husband think, and respond to certian things.. so they know just how we feel..

draw the line, they are your kids and your kids to raise how you wish..... I thank god my parents and his understand our wishes and never have to worry about this.

p.s. not saying discpline is your case here.

1337
09-04-2009, 11:52 AM
Grandparents should realize that you are the parent, and respect your wishes. I wanted a candy free kid. This is for health reasons, and what do they do? Pump her full of hersey kisses.

Whenever I pick her up, shes filled with chocolate. If she doesn't want to eat dinner, they offer her icecream. Which when she comes home, she won't eat supper she says she wants icecream!

SIMBA
09-04-2009, 12:06 PM
Being that your parents don't have long to live, I would let it go. Let them have the joy in spoiling your kids. It won't hurt them. Unless your dad did something that would affect the child's safety and life then look the other way.

Grandparents spoil kids. It is VERY common...haha!

MissMuffett
09-04-2009, 01:17 PM
It would not surprise me in the least if the time came when you realize old dad was right, and you have blown it raising your kids. But it will be way too late.

Ouch!!

Daiv
09-04-2009, 02:02 PM
I disagree completely.
Grandparents should realize that parents have the final say in matters.
Grandparents HAD their opportunity to raise their children.
So because grandparents are older, parents should have no say in how their children are raised because the grandparents MIGHT drop dead tomorrow? They also could live another twenty years.
If the parents are being completely ridiculous about something, then maybe the grandparents should say something, but to completely go against the parents willl... that's just disrespectful, if you ask me. It's also teaching children that they don't have to respect their parents.

bluekrissyspikes
09-04-2009, 02:09 PM
your kids will understand that at gramma and grampa's there are different rules than at home. grandparents are supposed to spoil the kids, give them treats, let them get away with stuff you wouldn't. that's one of the perks of the grandparent/grandchild relationship. as long as your kid is safe and having fun i'd let it slide. it's not really their job to discipline the kids and make sure they always do things your way. they shouldn't be teaching them harmful things or anything but a treat or bent rule now and again won't hurt or get in the way of what you are doing. the kids will know that you are consistent with your rules and respect that, and they will know that there are different rules to follow in different places. the schools aren't going to change their rules to match yours either, but will you keep your kids away because of it? if my kids try to get away with stuff they are allowed to do at grammas and not at home i just tell them 'that might be okay with gramma but it's not okay with mommy'. they figured that one out fast

Daiv
09-04-2009, 02:27 PM
I agree with you, bluekrissy, but if the parents are standing right there and say NO, then the grandparents should respect that.

It all depends on the situation, too, though. I mean, if you don't want the grandparents giving your kid one cookie, then I can understand them doing it anyway.

However, if you're out in the bush and you say you dont want your kids having anything with nuts because your child has never HAD nuts before and you have no idea if there is an allergy, and the grandparents do it anyway... then that is wrong.

Grandparents should spoil the grandchildren, but they need to know their boundaries, as well.

italiandomino
09-04-2009, 04:00 PM
I have no problem with how Aggys Parents are with our daughter, they spoil her, and they raised three great kids. But they also ask us if it is ok for them to do something. Grampa is a lil rough with her sometimes lol .. but in a very amusing way :)

Chelle you need to be very firm with your parents on what they can and cant do with your kids, you all may be alive, but doesnt make what they do right. your the parents, and you can raise your kids how you seem fit, not them. They are done raising kids.

Bill Nash
09-04-2009, 04:04 PM
Grow up yourself and let your parents do what they want in THEIR house. It may be your kid, but it is THEIR house. You are right, .... if you don't like what goes on, don't go over, .... but it will be your lose, not theirs.

If I had parents still alive that were told they only had months to live, I would be spending every minute I could with them AND THEIR grandchildren.

I think a little maturity on your part is in great need.

DeleteAccout
09-04-2009, 04:12 PM
There's truth to the old man's statement that he's raised 5 kids and you're all still alive.
He dod something right. Times change, sure. But people don't. Instead of worrying about what could go wrong, worry about the time your kids have left to share with their grandparents. It'll make his short time enjoyable. Along with the kids

Misschix
09-04-2009, 04:19 PM
Im going to shut my mouth on this topic...

My MIL lets the kids get away with |EVERYTHING and has an excuse for it all.......
She knows we get mad....but we LOVE EVRYTHING she does for us and the kids...SHE IS ONE OF THE BEST..

MY parents ARE just as strict as I am with the kids...well my mom is my dad is a pushover....he was with us growing up too...thats the perks of having two girls lol

1337
09-04-2009, 04:57 PM
HA, I laugh at all you ignorant people. "Your alive aren't you?" I had a rough childhood. Enough to make most of you cringe. And you have the gull to say You're alive arent you?

Just because you are alive doesn't mean you had a good life.

Bottom line is, parents have the final say!. If I say, this is the way it's going to be, that is the way it should be done.

Going against what I say is immature, and teaches the kid that if Daddy says no Grandpa will do it anyway. Someone said it best, they had their turn. Have fun, but follow the rules.

GRUMPY
09-04-2009, 05:42 PM
actually "sumthing" covers a lot of territory. somthing could be a very minor thing or it could be life threatening there is no way to honestly judge with out knowing what the sumthing was.

bluekrissyspikes
09-04-2009, 07:01 PM
actually "sumthing" covers a lot of territory. somthing could be a very minor thing or it could be life threatening there is no way to honestly judge with out knowing what the sumthing was.

grumpy has a good point. are you arguing about a cookie? a piggy back ride? do you have a good reason to deny the child what his or her grandparents are offering, like for safety reasons?

1337
09-04-2009, 07:13 PM
Doesn't matter what it is. If the parent said No please, that should be respected. All our lives our parents drill respect into our heads. Grandparents or not, they should respect what you say, whether or not it would hurt them.

Lollypop
09-04-2009, 07:19 PM
We have 2 children that we love dearly, 1 grandchild who is my heart. Words can't describe this grandmother's love for her grand daughter.
That being said, do I go against my daughters wishes, hell no. ( I am still able to twist her mind that my way of thinking is right).
My gd. is 2 and we share special times together. They don't live in town so that when I do see her we make the most of it.
I don't agree that we lived through it, times have changed along with the power of knowledge. Yes we do stay up until 11 eating chips and talking. At home there are no chips and bedtime is 7:30, she is able to adapt to her home routine and memaws.
So, if it is nothing life threatening, let the kids enjoy the time with their gparents.

Strife
09-04-2009, 08:05 PM
I believe you are right in not going back over. I fully believe that parents have the right to say what their kid can and cannot do or have. If I asked my parents to not give my son candy and then come home to see him with a face full of chocolate, I would be livid. Your father may have raised 5 kids in his years but back then, asbestos was safe. Times change and child rearing has changed as well.

1337
09-04-2009, 08:07 PM
Not what if her parents said no potato chips and bed time @ 7:30, would you go behind their back and do so anyway?

Strife
09-04-2009, 08:08 PM
Grow up yourself and let your parents do what they want in THEIR house. It may be your kid, but it is THEIR house. You are right, .... if you don't like what goes on, don't go over, .... but it will be your lose, not theirs.

So if the parent wishes to deny their kid pepsi, yet the grandparents let the kid drink it anyways, is that right? If I wish not to spank my son as a form of punishment, just because my son is in their house, does it give them the right to spank my son? He ll no!

1337
09-04-2009, 08:17 PM
Like my in-laws. I did not wish to give my kids any candy. What gives them the right to do it? Will it harm them? No. But I don't want my kids to have candy.

Macs II
09-04-2009, 08:24 PM
But I don't want my kids to have candy.

You're mean :srolleyes:

1337
09-04-2009, 08:27 PM
They love All Bran Bars, Popcorn, and baked chips. They have diabetic popsicles, and gross sugarfree juice, but they like it.

Macs II
09-04-2009, 08:29 PM
Yucky !!!

1337
09-04-2009, 08:42 PM
Maybe yucky, but you wont see my kids going ape$hit at the grocery store because they can't have junk food.

Macs II
09-04-2009, 08:49 PM
I guess your kids will not go trick or treating on Halloween lol

1337
09-04-2009, 08:52 PM
Yes we do. But we re-gift the treats, and my daughter does it herself. Then she can pick out an educational toy afterward.

Macs II
09-04-2009, 08:57 PM
so you take her candy away and give her a calculator and a bowl of oatmeal

1337
09-04-2009, 09:28 PM
Close, she gives her candy away. But the rest sums it up. Just think, your kids will be digging ditches for my kids :)

Someone has to do it.

bluekrissyspikes
09-04-2009, 09:57 PM
when you were little, did you visit your grandparents and get treats from them?? what harm would experiencing something different from what goes on at home do to them? and i'm not talking about discipline, discipline is the parents job not the grandparents. they are there to have fun with.

Lollypop
09-04-2009, 10:26 PM
Not what if her parents said no potato chips and bed time @ 7:30, would you go behind their back and do so anyway?


My daughter is in town and I let her read some of the posts, when it came to mine she laughed. Bedtime is special to my gd and myself and as it isen't a nightly occurance, she understands. And by my gd eating chips its a bite here and there, might total 3 all together.

HDV
09-05-2009, 12:03 PM
I have no issues with the way my in laws are with my daughter. they spoil her yes, but she is the only grandchild right now. They do ask us if things are ok first. they never tell my wife or me what we should and should not do. they do give advice, which has been very useful. My wife has a close relationship with her family and she asks her mothers advice every now and then but they never tell her what to do. If we say no to things they respect it. I love my in laws. the are great people. and I m glad my daughter has such wonderful grandparents. They just bought a brand new truck , when my daughter got into it, my MIl said, Do you like your new truck..lol I thought it was cute.