PDA

View Full Version : On Relationships



starterwiz
01-14-2011, 03:17 AM
I was fortunate to read this, and I thought I'd share it. Just one wise man's opinion in answer to another's query about a relationship's worth.

"The very thing that makes a difference is each person's commitment. If both are profoundly commited, and continue to commit as new issues arise in life, the relationship will go on. BUT the relationship needs the commitment of BOTH parties. You can only control YOUR OWN commitment. It is a necessity, and a reality, and a certainty, that you have to let her FREE to make her own commitments. If she withdraws her commitment to you...that's IT. Nothing/nothing/nothing can change that. Nothing...one HAS to let her GO without explanation. The only valid reason is:" I don't want to go on with this relationship." There is NO other valid reason. It is an uncontestable reason. Looking for other reasons is utterly wasteful and potentially deadly. One simply lets go...and that's IT. (Oh, but one should try to break the financial values equitably...but that is another subject, entirely).

Just make your own commitments, and let go of other people's. Freedom is life's greatest risk, but it is better, because one controls one's own path instead of another person's. ( It IS greatly gratifying if one's path is accompanied by the loved person, but that is the risk of Freedom. Both are free to commit to each other, and neither one owns the other...because ownership ENDS freedom and establishes slavery). Slavery is a removal of human dignity on the way to a lower form of life."
bauzace50

MaO3
01-14-2011, 09:38 AM
Thats a pretty profound post, a lot of truth to it, a lot. Thanks for posting it!

dancingqueen
01-14-2011, 12:20 PM
I was fortunate to read this, and I thought I'd share it. Just one wise man's opinion in answer to another's query about a relationship's worth.

"The very thing that makes a difference is each person's commitment. If both are profoundly commited, and continue to commit as new issues arise in life, the relationship will go on. BUT the relationship needs the commitment of BOTH parties. You can only control YOUR OWN commitment. It is a necessity, and a reality, and a certainty, that you have to let her FREE to make her own commitments. If she withdraws her commitment to you...that's IT. Nothing/nothing/nothing can change that. Nothing...one HAS to let her GO without explanation. The only valid reason is:" I don't want to go on with this relationship." There is NO other valid reason. It is an uncontestable reason. Looking for other reasons is utterly wasteful and potentially deadly. One simply lets go...and that's IT. (Oh, but one should try to break the financial values equitably...but that is another subject, entirely).

Just make your own commitments, and let go of other people's. Freedom is life's greatest risk, but it is better, because one controls one's own path instead of another person's. ( It IS greatly gratifying if one's path is accompanied by the loved person, but that is the risk of Freedom. Both are free to commit to each other, and neither one owns the other...because ownership ENDS freedom and establishes slavery). Slavery is a removal of human dignity on the way to a lower form of life."
bauzace50

Interesting perspective... for a robot.
unfortunately, we are human and have these pesky things like emotions getting in the way of thinking like this.

riggs
01-14-2011, 12:23 PM
Interesting perspective... for a robot.
unfortunately, we are human and have these pesky things like emotions getting in the way of thinking like this.

Agreed. It made me feel like I was reading from a harddrive where I could delete what I didn't like.

ssmarie
01-14-2011, 12:35 PM
and I couldn't finish reading it

NewCasa
01-14-2011, 01:20 PM
I thought it was good and no, I'm not a robot ;)

chris5
01-14-2011, 01:28 PM
gotta say I kinda like the OP too...

dancingqueen
01-14-2011, 03:33 PM
Never said I didn't like it, on a very basic sense, it's true, and most people don't see things this way. Of course, people's idea of what constitute a "commitment" can differ, causing problems when both do have a commitment to each other.

Peety
01-14-2011, 03:34 PM
I thought it was good and no, I'm not a robot ;)
Are you sure?

LilPuppie
01-14-2011, 04:27 PM
Some good points here. Concentrate on yourself and your feelings...you can't make someone else feel something anymore than you can make them stay faithful. Worrying about such things are a waste of time and only drive the other person away.

NewCasa
01-14-2011, 05:28 PM
Never said I didn't like it, on a very basic sense, it's true, and most people don't see things this way. Of course, people's idea of what constitute a "commitment" can differ, causing problems when both do have a commitment to each other.

If you know a person well enough, you know if they are committed or not.

NewCasa
01-14-2011, 05:30 PM
Are you sure?

Hmmm... good question.

dancingqueen
01-15-2011, 12:05 AM
If you know a person well enough, you know if they are committed or not.

That's what I mean, both parties could be committed, but run into a problem because what "committed" means to one may not be the same as what it means to the other.

NewCasa
01-15-2011, 01:17 AM
That's what I mean, both parties could be committed, but run into a problem because what "committed" means to one may not be the same as what it means to the other.

Nope. Committed means committed.

dancingqueen
01-15-2011, 02:37 AM
I find there can be a lot of grey area. What a commitment means to you may not mean the same thing to me.

starterwiz
01-15-2011, 04:06 AM
I think the concept is sound and makes for a potentially healthier relationship. Feeling loved never comes from forcing your will on someone else to get it. True love is given freely.

Jack Butler
01-15-2011, 09:22 AM
I find there can be a lot of grey area. What a commitment means to you may not mean the same thing to me.

Than you are being something other than committed.

NewCasa
01-15-2011, 10:23 AM
I find there can be a lot of grey area. What a commitment means to you may not mean the same thing to me.

If committed means different things to each person then one, the other or both is only partly committed.

It's like something being partly black. If something is only partly black, it's not black, it's grey ;)

dancingqueen
01-15-2011, 02:13 PM
Than you are being something other than committed.

How so?

dancingqueen
01-15-2011, 02:16 PM
I think we throw around the term "committed" so much that it looses it's meaning. Take, for example a work project. Both parties can be completely committed to the completion of the project, one ,may want to work on it right away with the information they have, the other, want to wait till they have all the data before working on it. Both are committed, they just have different ideas about what a commitment is. The same is with relationships, both can be committed, just different ideas to go about that.

RWGR
01-15-2011, 02:17 PM
interesting perspective... For a robot.


lol











.

NewCasa
01-15-2011, 03:34 PM
I think we throw around the term "committed" so much that it looses it's meaning. Take, for example a work project. Both parties can be completely committed to the completion of the project, one ,may want to work on it right away with the information they have, the other, want to wait till they have all the data before working on it. Both are committed, they just have different ideas about what a commitment is. The same is with relationships, both can be committed, just different ideas to go about that.

The difference you're talking about has nothing to do with commitment, it's about process. They may each be completely committed to the project but totally disagree on the process for completing it. One has nothing to do with the other.

Nihilistic Heathen
01-15-2011, 03:36 PM
I think we throw around the term "committed" so much that it looses it's meaning. Take, for example a work project. Both parties can be completely committed to the completion of the project, one ,may want to work on it right away with the information they have, the other, want to wait till they have all the data before working on it. Both are committed, they just have different ideas about what a commitment is. The same is with relationships, both can be committed, just different ideas to go about that.

I think the one thing you are missing in your argument here is compromise. Which is what I think the OP is trying to state, you must make a commitment to yourself to compromise in a relationship. If you can't then for sure the relationship will fail.

In your argument if the parties involved were committed to complete the project as a team they will also have to compromise in order to reach their goal as a team. If they don't, then they are not a commited team, and ultimately not commited to reaching the goal as a team.

In order for a team or relationship to work, each person has to make a commitment to themselves to compromise.

NewCasa
01-15-2011, 03:40 PM
Commitment is the basis from which everything flows in a relationship. The OP nailed it totally. Trust, compromise and everything else flows from commitment. Trust allows freedom, compromise indicates good will. Without commitment, there is no trust and good will.

Upper Decker
01-15-2011, 05:02 PM
I dont have to much to say in this thread as I dont know what Ive done with my relationship for it to last so long, or the fact it will last for a long long time. Possibly the fact we mutually dislike each other so much? Not sure. Just wanted to comment on Newcasa's sig as I found it quite hilarious.

dancingqueen
01-17-2011, 01:29 AM
The difference you're talking about has nothing to do with commitment, it's about process. They may each be completely committed to the project but totally disagree on the process for completing it. One has nothing to do with the other.

Okay, fair enough. I see what you mean now.
I was tying the processes of said commitment in with the idea of commitment, I was seeing them as one.

dancingqueen
01-17-2011, 01:42 AM
if someone asked me why im single now, my answer is, i dont want to talk about, no point, and it hurts like hell to even talk about it.

so.....
why bring it up?

NewCasa
01-17-2011, 08:32 AM
i dont know, i do that, cause thats how i feel, but i wont say much about it

C'mon - tell us all about it.....