View Full Version : dealing with cancer in a loved one

09-18-2007, 07:47 PM
How do you cope with the pain, anger and sadness when a loved one has cancer?

Anyone have any cancer stories to share with those in need?

09-18-2007, 08:02 PM
My second husband died in 2002 of cancer. It is a very difficult thing to cope with. The only thing you can do based on experience is just listen and support any decisions that he/she makes without judgement. There is going to be alot of rough roads and alot of tears.

09-18-2007, 08:28 PM
In most cases there is alot of pain with it and it treatment is no longer an option would you choose to have them drugged with so many pain pills that they cant comprehend whats going on or do you keep them sane and let them feel the pain?

09-18-2007, 09:46 PM
I would want my loved one to be as close to pain free as possible. My FIL has prostate cancer that has spread to his spine and hips, he also has alzhiemers so he can't express to us his wishes.
All we have asked for is that he's kept comfortable. I can't bare to watch him suffer.

09-18-2007, 09:54 PM
In my late husband's case, I chose to keep him drgged since the pain was too unbearable for him to go through. He had a gastriointestinal stroma. His pelvic region looked as though he was eight months pregnant. The tumour was inoperable and was growing and growing everyday. He could not bear the pain.

09-18-2007, 10:17 PM
Well just got a call that my uncle is in the hospital with cancer and not given long to live. To cope with the pain, I was told after expressing his wishes for his cats that he wanted to be medicated as he cannot stand the pain. Sad thing is that he is going to die alone because he completely alienated the family.

09-18-2007, 10:25 PM
Well we will find out tomorrow to what extent grandma's is.
She is in so much pain and lost weight so fast.

She had a bone marrow test, cat scan and biopsy yesterday.

09-19-2007, 01:12 AM
I lost my wife to cancer last year, she was only 37 years old.
It's a sad, sad thing for anyone involved. All you can do is support them in every way and make them as comfortable as possible when it is terminal.

09-19-2007, 07:38 AM
JB I'm very sorry for your loss

09-19-2007, 12:14 PM
My grandfather died last OCT of lung and bone cancer. His pain was horrendous not much like most cancer patients. We did everything we could to keep him comfortable or as comfortable as possible. Why would you be concerned with keeping the person in a state where they may comprehend but be in agony. Rather then being comfortable. In the end my grandfather was halucinating because of the pain medications but he had moments of lucidity. He was in a lot of pain and I could only imagine the pain he would have been in had it not been for that pain medication.

I am sorry for everyone's loss. My only advice is to make sure your loved one has relayed his/her wishes before they get to the point where they cant and do what they have asked. Remember the person and not yourself. As much as you are in pain because of your grief the person with cancer is dealing with grief and the physical pain. Put their needs and wishes before your own emotional needs. I didn't want my grandfather to go but I knew I had to let him pass so that he wouldn't suffer and he needed to know we could be strong. Sometimes they hang on for us and we shouldn't put that burden on them.

09-19-2007, 09:38 PM
my dad died of pancreatic cancer almost 6yrs ago, it's brutal
but from what dr's and nurses told us about the stages of dying, it's a good idea to keep them drugged.
there's a lot of pain involved amongst other things, so ya, it's better to think of them and put their needs first, having them die in peace and as comfortable as possible

Luv to be on the GO
09-20-2007, 10:45 PM
JB ....my heart goes out to you
Your wife was SO young ..that is just so sad ...
Hope your making out O.K.

09-20-2007, 11:04 PM
I am so sorry to you all for your losses..

Terry fox run tommorrow for the school kids. We did our part and did a little fund raising in my area. Every little bit counts towards someday finding a cure for this horrible disease.

I watched a close friend go from a vibrant man to thin frail person in a matter of a few months.. pancreaous cancer

09-21-2007, 12:04 PM
JB, I'm sorry for your loss. I went through the same thing and it is very difficult. I hope everything works out for you.

09-21-2007, 01:26 PM
Thank you, I have my good days and bad but I guess that's to be expected. I hope you are doing ok for the most part too. It will be year next month for me.

09-22-2007, 09:48 AM
I can finally say that I am ok now. It took a long time to accept it. He had been ill for 3 years before he passed. I took care of him until the last month or so when I finally had to put him in palliative care. I no long could facilitate his needs any longer. I watched him go through things that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. I worked in the health care profession, but when it is one of your own, you are completely blind as to how to handle things. Even though I knew he was going to pass away, it was still a shock to me when it happened. I went through a few years of not dealing with it. I had 3 children to take care of, a house and it became almost impossible. I was lost in my own mind.
JB, my best advice to you would be to let yourself grieve no matter how long it takes. I didn't and I paid for it later.
I am now happily married again, which is something I never thought I would do again. He was the one who got me to deal with everything and once I did that, I was able to go on with life.
Things will get easier. Concentrate on the good times and the happy memories rather than the illness and the suffering. It helps. Good luck and remember it always helps to talk it out!

09-22-2007, 11:16 AM
We had had found out grandma was filled with tumors on wednesday she passed away friday morning.
It happened so fast none of us had time to allow the shock to kick in.

09-22-2007, 05:42 PM
wow popples so sorry!

09-22-2007, 09:28 PM
ohmygosh Popples!!

I'm so sorry... Condolences with you and your family!

09-23-2007, 09:40 AM
Awwww so sorry Popples!

09-23-2007, 10:52 AM
Sorry for your loss Popples.

Chaotic Chick
10-02-2007, 08:11 PM
I am sorry for your loss, Popples. I lost my grandma the day after you lost yours, also to cancer. /ubbthreads/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/frown.gif *hugs*

10-02-2007, 08:34 PM
my condolences to you and your family too.

10-03-2007, 06:55 PM
I lost gramma to cancer 4 years ago this august...it was hard, she was closer to me then most of my other relatives..she kept everything together....it snuck up on her too...she was dealing with other stuff before that, then the cancer just hit her..it sucked.. /ubbthreads/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/frown.gif condolences popples and chick, I know how ya feel /ubbthreads/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/frown.gif


10-04-2007, 10:17 PM
I feel for you guys too, It was 1 year yesterday that I lost my wife, it all happened in several weeks time so I can appreciate exactly how you feel.
Just remember the good times /ubbthreads/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/smile.gif

10-04-2007, 10:20 PM
hugs to you JB..
It must have been a difficult day for you