http://www.soonet.ca/ Need a laugh, lighten up your day with a joke of the day. en Fri, 10 Sep 2010 08:07:09 GMT vBulletin 60 http://www.soonet.ca/images/misc/rss.png http://www.soonet.ca/ http://www.soonet.ca/showthread.php?42144-Two-Large-Plastic-Garbage-Bags&goto=newpost Fri, 10 Sep 2010 00:48:07 GMT A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags rips, and every once in awhile a... A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags rips, and every once in awhile a $20 bill falls out onto the sidewalk.

Noticing this, a policeman stops her, and says, "Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of your bag."

"Oh, really? Darn!" said the little old lady. "I'd better go back, and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me."

"Well, now, not so fast," says the cop. "How did you get all that money? You didn't steal it, did you?"

"Oh, no", said the little old lady. "You see, my back yard is right next to the Lambeau Field parking lot. On game days, a lot of fans come and pee through the fence into my flower garden. So, I stand behind the fence with my hedge clippers. Each time some guy sticks his thing through the fence, I say, '$20 or off it comes.' "

"Well, that seems only fair," laughs the cop. "OK. Good luck! Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag?"

"Well, you know, not everybody pays." ]]> Jokes JackButler http://www.soonet.ca/showthread.php?42144-Two-Large-Plastic-Garbage-Bags http://www.soonet.ca/showthread.php?42072-I-Just-Love-Hearing-It&goto=newpost Mon, 06 Sep 2010 23:54:31 GMT An old man approached the White House from the park across Pennsylvania Ave. where he'd been sitting on a park bench. He spoke to the U. S. Marine standing guard and said, "I would like to go in and meet with President Bush."

The Marine looked at the man and said, "Sir, Mr. Bush is no longer president and no longer resides here."

The old man said, "Okay" and walked away.

The following day, the same man approached the White House and said to the same Marine, "I would like to go in and meet with President Bush."

The Marine again told the man, "Sir, Mr. Bush is no longer president and no longer resides here. " The man thanked him and, again, just walked away.

The third day, the same man approached the White House and spoke to the very same U. S. Marine, saying "I would like to go in and meet with President Bush"

The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and said, "Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to speak to Mr. Bush. I've told you already that Mr. Bush is no longer the president and no longer resides here. Don't you understand?"

The old man looked at the Marine and said, "Oh, I understand. I just love hearing it."

The Marine snapped to attention, saluted and said, "Sir, see you tomorrow, Sir!" ]]> Jokes JackButler http://www.soonet.ca/showthread.php?42072-I-Just-Love-Hearing-It http://www.soonet.ca/showthread.php?42029-The-Bet&goto=newpost Sat, 04 Sep 2010 00:46:04 GMT A man walks into a bar and orders a drink as he's waiting he notices a very large jar stuffed with ten dollar bills".

"What's the jar of money for" he asks?

"Well", says the bartender, "there's 3 tests and if you pass them all you get the money".

The man then asks, "what's the tests"?

"No" says the bartender, "you gotta pay the ten bucks to find out", so the man gives the bar tender the ten bucks.

"Ok", says the bartender, "here they is the first test".

"You have to chug this whole bottle of pepper tequila straight down without stopping".

"The second test is there's a pitbull out back with a toothache and you gotta pull it".

"The third test is, theres a ninety year old woman upstairs who's never been sexually satisfied, you gotta make things right with her".

The mans says "forget it" but after a while and a few drinks he walks back to the bartender and says " gimme the tequila"!

So he chugs it straight down and with tear rolling down his face he says, "ok the dogs next".

Next thing you know, they hear all this noise and screaming coming from out back and then total silence.

They all figure he's dead when all of a sudden the doors bursts open and the man yells, "ok where's that old broad with the toothache" ]]> Jokes JackButler http://www.soonet.ca/showthread.php?42029-The-Bet http://www.soonet.ca/showthread.php?41715-A-Good-Wife&goto=newpost Thu, 19 Aug 2010 16:45:18 GMT A real wife is a man's best friend.
She will reassure him when he feels insecure & comfort him after a bad day.
She will inspire him to do things he never thought he could do, to live without fear or regret.
She will enable him to express his deepest emotions.
A real wife will enable him to be the most confident, sexy, seductive, invincible .....
No wait...I'm thinking of tequila. ]]> Jokes JackButler http://www.soonet.ca/showthread.php?41715-A-Good-Wife http://www.soonet.ca/showthread.php?41684-thought-i-d-share&goto=newpost Tue, 17 Aug 2010 20:53:58 GMT It recently became apparent to me that the letters 'T' and 'G' are far too close together on a keyboard. This is why I'll never be ending an e-mail with the phrase "Regards" ever again. ]]> Jokes Arcana XV http://www.soonet.ca/showthread.php?41684-thought-i-d-share