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Thread: Telemarketer Tips LOL!!

  1. #1
    Senior Member everywoman's Avatar
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    Default Telemarketer Tips LOL!!

    Some tactics to use when you get a telemarketer call! I know this should be in jokes, but I'm feeling rebellious!! LOL!


    1. Use a husky, dirty phone sex voice but ask normal questions about the proposed offer.
    “Is it a low interest rate? mmmmm…I like low interest rates…really low…”

    2. In an outrageously excited tone: “Thank god you called!!!” Explain that an online psychic told you that your future lover would randomly call disguised as an arsshole.

    3. Say you are hard of hearing and see how loud they will shout into the phone.

    4. Allow the telemarketer to fully explain his offer. When he is finished explain that his company hired you to randomly spot check telemarketers on their performance. Tell him that he did a good job overall, but that he is a bit monotone and needs to fluctuate his tone of voice more to sound convincing. He also should pause longer between sentences, and more clearly pronounce the letter “s”. Tell him you won’t report him if he repeats his speech to you with the appropriate corrections. Repeat.

    5. Be incredibly polite as they explain their offer, but make farting noises once in a while and ask whether there is something wrong with the connection.

    6. In an annoyed tone cut the telemarketer off mid sentence : “Dan, stop messing around…we have to get rid of this body fast, did you find a chainsaw or not?”

    7. “Congratulations! You’re the 100th caller on the (insert local radio station) Sweet Vacation Giveaway Blast Marathon. You’ve just won a pair of tickets to Negril, Jamaica and the use of Sean Paul’s celebrity vacation house.” Take down her address and send her all of your L.L.Bean catalogues for the rest of your life...after you use them as liner for your cat’s litter box.

    8. Flirt.

    9. Keep repeating, “I knew you were going to say that…”

    10. Stutter on a syllable of an obvious word in a sentence… see how long it takes before he completes the phrase. When he does, get upset, and say “That really hurts my fee…fee… fee… fee…feel…fee… fee… fee…” ad infinitum.

    11. Pee on the phone while he’s talking.

    12. Mid pitch, stop him and complement him on his wonderful voice. Explain that you are a voiceover scout and might have a breakthrough commercial job for him. Ask if he wouldn’t mind doing a quick test. Ask him to say in a deep husky voice “May cause dizziness, diarrhea, vomiting and shortness of breath. A small number of participants in a recent clinical trial experienced weight loss, irregular clotting, abnormally frequent and/or painful urination and hair loss. Results may vary”

    13. Ask how much it would take to get him to stop working as a telemarketer. Start at $1000. Say you are dead serious.

    14. Ask if he will be your friend if you sign up.

    15. Tie obscure facts about Barbara Streisand to everything thing he says,, “2.3% interest rate? oh my…did you know Barbara was 23 when she filmed Funny Girl…”

    16. Every few minutes repeat, “You’re going to have to bear with me, I have a slight short term memory loss problem…who is this again?”

    17. “Oh my god, I used to have your job…does Bob still work there (repeat names until you find a match)…which building are you in?” Escalate coincidence until you both realize that you sat in the same chair. Explain that you had to quit work when your genitals mysteriously vanished.

    18. Regardless of the offer tell him you’ll take 7. If he asks what you mean say he drives a hard bargain and you’ll take 9, but that’s as far as you’ll go.

    19. Every half-minute ask him to hold and pretend to scream at your invalid mother. “You want to use the bathroom??? Well stop whining and get up out of the wheelchair for a change. You just sit there and think about that for a while, mother. Can’t you see I’m on the damn phone?”

    20. Forgive him. Tell him you did. Over and over again, until he hangs up. Then secretly take it back.
    Somewhere in a lonely hotel room
    there’s a guy starting to realize
    That eternal fate has turned it's back on him
    It's two a.m.

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Telemarketer Tips LOL!!

    Hehehehe....

  3. #3
    Senior Member §ienna's Avatar
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    Default Re: Telemarketer Tips LOL!!

    lol!!

  4. #4
    Senior Member everywoman's Avatar
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    Default Re: Telemarketer Tips LOL!!

    I just realized that I may have offended some with this joke, as we have three call centres here in town. It wasn't meant to be rude and I hope I haven't caused hard feelings. Please accept it with the intent it was posted...just a few chuckles!
    Somewhere in a lonely hotel room
    there’s a guy starting to realize
    That eternal fate has turned it's back on him
    It's two a.m.

  5. #5
    Senior Member Barney Rubble's Avatar
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    Default Re: Telemarketer Tips LOL!!

    jokes are not allowed!!!
    they will be removed to a sub-category in a remote location under games room...which, i might add, games are not funny at all!!!
    How Bout Them Cowgirls?


  6. #6
    Senior Member starterwiz's Avatar
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    Default Re: Telemarketer Tips LOL!!

    That's too funny..."Hello?!?!...could you speak up????....Hello!??
    Pardon me?
    What was that you said?
    Huh?
    Sorry...I can't hear you.
    Could you please call me back on a better line?

    HAHAHA
    Ice cream doesn't have bones.

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Telemarketer Tips LOL!!

    Some of these are gold
    No Quirky Message For Ju

  8. #8
    Senior Member Strife's Avatar
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    Default Re: Telemarketer Tips LOL!!

    lmao.....I used to be a telemarketer and we also had our funny ones. For instance "Mr Smith if you sign up today, just because I like you, I am willing to give you a limited flaming AM/FM radio skillet. It gives you the convenience of frying up those steaks while listening to the radio."
    <insert witty comment here>

  9. #9
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    Default Re: Telemarketer Tips LOL!!

    what a crappy job

  10. #10
    J*B
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    Default Re: Telemarketer Tips LOL!!

    Simply tell them someone is at your door, put the phone down and let it sit for a while, you can be guaranteed they will be gone in short order!

    Better yet call Bell and have your name put on the "do not call list" it doesn't cost anything and you have to renew it every 2 or 3 years from what I recall.

  11. #11
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    Default Re: Telemarketer Tips LOL!!

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: moochkita</div><div class="ubbcode-body">what a crappy job </div></div>

    At least unlike some people they actually work instead of getting everything in their life for free.

    Yep.. I brought the old "welfare" thing back

  12. #12
    J*B
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    Default Re: Telemarketer Tips LOL!!

    Oh oh, here we go again..

  13. #13
    Senior Member The 6th Member Of AC/DC's Avatar
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    Default Re: Telemarketer Tips LOL!!

    I didn't do it

  14. #14
    Senior Member The 6th Member Of AC/DC's Avatar
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    Default Re: Telemarketer Tips LOL!!

    Well thats what you get when you leave a joke thread in the general area, lol

  15. #15
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    Default Re: Telemarketer Tips LOL!!

    I know.. I did.

    I just like watching people on here taking everything as a personal attack. I just made a statement that at least they work for their money instead of thinking the world owes them something.

  16. #16
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    Default Re: Telemarketer Tips LOL!!

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Calis</div><div class="ubbcode-body">
    At least unlike some people they actually work instead of getting everything in their life for free.
    </div></div> [img]/ubbthreads/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/sleep.gif[/img]

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