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Thread: Redneck Book of Manners

  1. #1
    Senior Member geogett's Avatar
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    Default Redneck Book of Manners




    Tips from the Redneck Book of Manners


    1. Never take a beer to a job interview.
    2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
    3. It's considered poor taste to take a cooler to church.
    4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.
    5. Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.


    ***DINING OUT ***


    1. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label.
    2. Avoid throwing bones and food scraps on the floor as the restaurant may not have dogs.


    *** ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME ***
    1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.
    2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table no matter how good his manners are.

    *** PERSONAL HYGIENE ***
    1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys.
    2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days. However, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money.
    3. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods.


    *** DATING (Outside the Family) ***
    1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
    2. Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the bathroom wall two years ago."
    3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say! 10:00 PM; others might say "Monday". If the latter is the answer it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.


    *** WEDDINGS ***
    1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
    2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.
    3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create too sporty an appearance.
    4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for this special occasion.
    5. It is not appropriate to tell the groom how good his wife is in the sack.


    *** DRIVING ETIQUETTE ***
    1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is loaded and the deer is in sight.
    2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way.
    3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
    4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer.
    5. Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when driving.
    6. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.


    *** TWO REASONS WHY IT IS HARD TO SOLVE A REDNECK MURDER ***
    1. All the DNA is the same.
    2. There are no dental records

    K
    eep smiling - it makes people wonder what you've been up to. ~ Author Unknown ~

    We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.
    ~ Author Unknown ~

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Redneck Book of Manners

    Holy [censored] that is god dang funny .
    " in fact, a woman and a cow are equal " - some guy from uganda i seen on discovery.

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Redneck Book of Manners

    You know your a redneck when you think that is to dang funny.. [img]/ubbthreads/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/smile.gif[/img]

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Redneck Book of Manners

    i think its dang funny cause you seemed to break all of these simple rules. ive seen it with my own 2 eyes. LMFAO
    " in fact, a woman and a cow are equal " - some guy from uganda i seen on discovery.

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Redneck Book of Manners

    lol....

  6. #6
    Senior Member SusyQ's Avatar
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    Default Re: Redneck Book of Manners

    GEO I'm going to bed laughing my a$$ off!

  7. #7

    Default Re: Redneck Book of Manners

    :ROFL: good one geo!

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