Britain's war on terror not going well!

[Return of Too Many Daves]

IRA? No, it's the Ooh-Arrr-A
By JOHN COLES
JUNE 22, 2007

BARMY extremists from the badlands of Cornwall have launched their “terror” campaign — by setting fire to an empty building.

The Cornwall National Liberation Army then APOLOGISED for the inconvenience.

Six fire crews raced to a derelict brewery in Redruth at 3am after a series of blazes broke out inside.

The CNLA later sent an email to their local paper, the Cornish Guardian, admitting: “We claim responsibility for the fire which was caused while we were trying out various types of incendiary devices.

“We apologise for the inconvenience caused to our public services but we needed to test our devices in an urban environment.”

A Fire Brigade spokeswoman said: “We dealt with it as we would any fire.

“It’s now a police matter.”

The blaze, which gutted the two-storey building, was the group’s first action since issuing a “directive” last week threatening to firebomb Cornish restaurants owned by celebrity chefs Rick Stein and Jamie Oliver.

The “Cornish Nasties”, who want an independent Cornwall, are also threatening to target “outsiders” who own second homes in the county and “intruders” who fly the English flag.

The 4½-acre brewery site has been the scene of two other fires this year, and the CNLA said in its email: “We admit responsibility for the recent fires at the old deserted brewery premises and apologise for the inconvenience caused to the emergency services on this occasion.”

Police said they were aware of the email, but declined to comment further.

[Return of Too Many Daves]

The source for these is the gutter press by the way.

How to spot a terrorist

In these dangerous times, The Sun today publishes an invaluable guide to identifying members of the various terror groups intent on disrupting our way of life...

IRA

Be very suspicious of a man who keeps telling you how long you’ve got to leave the pub but obviously isn’t the landlord. Particularly if he seems well wrapped-up for the time of year.

ETA

You meet a man on the beach in Spain who wears the shirt of Basque football club Atletico Bilbao and sports a beret but carries no easel or painting equipment. You run like hell.

AL-QAEDA

Long, unkempt beards are an obvious indicator although not of themselves conclusive. Definitely give the swerve to anybody dressed in a burqa but sounding like Lee Marvin.

CNLA

May well smell strongly of scrumpy and be carrying a can of petrol or paraffin. First question likely to be: “Yer not from roun’ these parts, are yerrr . . . . . . ?”

[The Piper]

You missed the most notorious group.... The SNP.....

[Bullzie]

How about the KGB?