How involved should family b?

[MissMuffett]

How involved should family b in raising kids. My kids r 4 and 2 and they've never spend the night @ nonas house. They never seem to go out of their way to spend one on one time with them. I ask, I setup meeting places for us to go and for them to play and interact with the kids, with me there of course, so they don't have to think I'm asking them to babysit. They have excuses or headaches or too tired, or it will ruin their weekend.. I see people getting help tons with family WANTING to b apart.. They r a healthy middle aged couple.. I'm @ a loss to get them involved...

[HDV]

i think if your family wants to be involved in your childs life thats great. I would not push it I would let them choose. Its their lose really.

My daughter has never spent a night away from home. She is only 2. I have friends whos kids spend weekends at their grandparents from the time they were born. I Think when she is a little older then she can spend nights at nanas and papas. My parents work every day. Every Tuesday night at about 5 pm my mom will come get my daughter and take her to her house till about 8 or 9 pm and bring her home. I ll go to my parents on weekends for a day with her. This is their only G.C ad they love ad spoil her to death.
The 1st time my mom took her for a couple hours I felt very weird. It was very quiet and weird without her here..lol. I think I called my mom about 10 times in the 2 hours to see how she was..lol. I am very protective of my daughter and i hate it when she is not around. yes it is a nice break but i would prefer her here..

[Soundbear]

If those grandparents don't connect now, they will be wondering later why the kifds are so standoffish.

And I feel sorry for them.

Ever see or hear of old folks in the nursing home that nobody visits, who sit alone on Christmas day. Remind Grandpa and Grandma about them.

[IMHO]

I went thru the same thing with my parents. There never became a bond between my girls and my parents(male side). My inlaws on my wifes side were out of town but went out of their way to include the girls. Guess which funeral my kids wept at? I always got the impression that my parents felt they raised their kids and now the rest of the time they have if for them only. SAD.

[bluekrissyspikes]

my parents don't seem to want to be involved with my little ones either. they act annoyed when the kids call them and have no interest in having them around for more than a few minutes. it's sad because the kids really want to spend time with them and do things together. it's their choice though, i guess.

[cybolynx]

yeah after 3 children iv come to the conclusion their grandparents are useless ... BUT my grandmother their great grandmother does as much as a 70yr old woman can do .. she is AWESOME ... but my mother ... meh right off ... wifes father same .. wifes mother and stepfather ... again useless .. my father .. i dont know who he is ... depressing when you sit and think about it but meh .. oh well ...

when the kids are older and their grandparents want them to visit guess whos not going to want to ... lmfao

[lk_wicked]

I have six grandchildren. All who I love very much. I also have had my adult kids, gripe about how I never take the kids. I am not old, 47. My oldest stepdaughter is 35 and my youngest daughter is 16. Altogether I have six kids. I had my first child at 16. And I still have one child I am raising for at least another 6 years or more. Therefore, over 30 years of raising children is way more then half my life. For the first time, I have some freedom, and can do the things I want to do, whether its volunteer work, or staying in bed late in the morning to read books, or spending some alone time with my husband, visiting our parents or working on projects around the house. I love it when the grandchildren visit, but I am not interested in babysitting, keeping kids overnight, changing diapers and chasing toddlers. I did my time. My parents didn't do any of those things for me, and I never expected them to. I have taken my grandchildren out for breakfast, or to a movie, and on rare occasion, have them sleep over. But I resent it, when the adult kids pressure me to do more. It should be up to me to decide how much I want to do....shouldn't it? Why do young parents today, push those responsibilities on us? We did our time. And don't get me wrong, I loved raising my kids, and I love spending time with my grandchildren. I just don't want to be expected to do it, or expected to be a babysitter all the time. Why is that so wrong?

[Giggle Squirt]

my parents and sisters are awesome. They call me up and ask me when they can take my kids either for the day or offer to take them over night, take them out to camp or the beach. My kids have an amazing relationship with my parents and their aunts. it also helps that my children are *for the most part* well behaved and respectful. They do have their moments but know that going out for special treats is a privileged and I have said no to my mom before because of they way they were acting. My grandparents were awesome and taught me so much. Some of my fondest memories are with my grandparents. But we have always been a really close family.

[IMHO]

Totally wicked is doing exactly the right thing. Staying in the kids life...but at a distance...and enjoying time with husband and family..GREAT !!!!

[autum1]

I agree with totallywicked. I do not have grkids yet, but I will be involved with their lives . but on my terms, maybe this is selfish but it is the way I feel. I will not be a door mat or a constant baby sitter. I want my life too, do things with my husband , biking, skiing or going for our hikes.

[shelby]

I have a grandchild and I still have a 17 and 13 year old at home. I take him as often as I can and yes I have babysat. I have said no in the past and sometimes I don't mind; but I don't have a spouse that lives with me so he keeps me company when the other children aren't home. I love doing things and spending time with him but I also need a break from time to time and need me time.

[bluekrissyspikes]

i'm surprised that people view spending time with their grandkids as having extra responsibilities forced on them. it's bonding time with a kid that loves you and looks up to you. if you aren't there when they are small, they won't want you there when they are big. i think that the grandparents should take into consideration that the kids want to be with them not just 'i'll do it when i feel like it'. i guess what the kids want isn't that important or something. i dunno. after reading this thread i've been thinking a lot about what my kids are missing out on because their grandparents don't want to put in the effort to build that special relationship, taking for granted that it will just be there when they finally decide to get around to it. of my two grandmothers, one i rarely saw and when i did she was not that into playing, ect, more along the lines of the 'what i want' grandparent, and my other grandmother who came over every weekend and watched us so mom could get stuff done or just catch up on some sleep. guess which one i visit still?

[Giggle Squirt]

Hmm after telling me they were taking my kid for 4 nights last weekend they just called me up today and told me they are taking him for another 4 days this weekend and seeing my kids tomorrow. I have asked my parents to babysit before and they have said no but most of the time they are calling me and asking to take my kids to do different projects like gardening and painting shirts or going to the park even if it is just for the afternoon. My parents still have 2 other kids at home also. When I was a kid I would go to my grandparents almost every weekend and my grandma would teach me to sew and crochet and we would bake bread and stuff to take to my great grandmother who was in the hospital and then the nursing home. We would go camping all the time in the summer. I love my grandparents and I think it was because of the close relationship we had growing up that we still have a very close relationship now. My kids see both sets of grand parents frequently and it is very special to them. They get so excited to go see them. I guess they are lucky to be in a situation where their grandparents aren't afraid of kids.

[italiandomino]

Aggy and I are pretty lucky, her parents are very involved in my daughers life, my parents are in BC, so not much they can do, but my mom always calls and talks to her on the phone if she is up.

This week Aggys parents took our daughter to Calgary and Edmonton for the week, Aggys sister wanted to see her, our daughter can fly for free until she is 2, so why not. Her parents are always around her, her dad watches our daughter in the afternoon so i can sleep, until aggy and her mom get home from work, they have alot of fun together.

I think they are enjoying their time as grandparents, but all of Aggys side of the family are great, even her aunts have taken her to watch once in awhile, and Aggys 14 year old cousin babysits her when we need her to with no problem.

so I have to say we are pretty lucky to have the support we do. Its been almost 5 days without her and we are missing her, she will be home saturday more spoiled then when she left lol

[MissMuffett]

I had just attended a funeral for my sisters mother in law.. Sad dy when she died of cancer in her early 50s. She was an amazing nana.. Amazing.. It wasn't that she took the my sisters kids every week, but she was apart of her 4 grandchildrens lives.. She played, read them a story, cuddled with them, baked with them, just was their when they wnted to see nana. Even in her last hours on earth she wrote a goodbye note to her grandkids... seeing everything I saw that lady go through and mking her family a priority inspires me to b their for my kids n future grandkids... Because @ the end of the day, its ur family and friends who love u the most!

[dancingqueen]

I have six grandchildren. All who I love very much. I also have had my adult kids, gripe about how I never take the kids. I am not old, 47. My oldest stepdaughter is 35 and my youngest daughter is 16. Altogether I have six kids. I had my first child at 16. And I still have one child I am raising for at least another 6 years or more. Therefore, over 30 years of raising children is way more then half my life. For the first time, I have some freedom, and can do the things I want to do, whether its volunteer work, or staying in bed late in the morning to read books, or spending some alone time with my husband, visiting our parents or working on projects around the house. I love it when the grandchildren visit, but I am not interested in babysitting, keeping kids overnight, changing diapers and chasing toddlers. I did my time. My parents didn't do any of those things for me, and I never expected them to. I have taken my grandchildren out for breakfast, or to a movie, and on rare occasion, have them sleep over. But I resent it, when the adult kids pressure me to do more. It should be up to me to decide how much I want to do....shouldn't it? Why do young parents today, push those responsibilities on us? We did our time. And don't get me wrong, I loved raising my kids, and I love spending time with my grandchildren. I just don't want to be expected to do it, or expected to be a babysitter all the time. Why is that so wrong?

There is nothing wrong with that, as long as you are prepared for similar treatment to you when you get on in age. Again, nothing wrong with it though. Blue, I think said it very well. It's not just about you, or your kids, it is also about the grand children, but no, you are not a free babysitter, absolutely not. I guess I would consider "why do they need me to babysit?" Is it to go out and party? or do the parents have errands to run? Are they using you? or is this their way of giving you an opportunity to be involved in their lives? Of course, only you can answer these questions.

[Evil Monkey]

I think grandparents should be involved in the kids lives. Not to the point where they are raising your children but enough that they are there for your children when they are needed.

[lk_wicked]

I am always there for my children when they need me. I am always there for my grandchildren when they need me. In a crisis, I drop, roll and run to their rescue. I let my adult children choose how to raise their kids, and don't as a rule offer advice unless they ask for it, or unless someone is hurting (emotionally) and someone else may not be clueing in to that.

I spend more time with the grandchildren that are older, simply because of health reasons, I really can't lift the babies anymore, as it means I will pay the price and spend the next three days with back pain, migrains and neck and shoulder pain. Lifting young ones in and out of the car, kills me. Even more so in winter, when they are loaded down with snow suits and stuff.

My grandchildren are always excited to come to my house, I have a big box, like Mr. Dressup, where after holloween every year, I buy costumes at 75% off, and throw them in the trunk, and both the boys and girls have a blast playing with the outfits. I also have a shelf full of avarious age books, for reading times, and always have arts and crafts supplies to make things and colour or paint with at home. We have a huge assortment of playdough stuff, and tools, so the kids love that. And on a regular basis I restock the play boxes with new things from the dollar store. The kids get exciting just to come over and snoop through the stuff to see whats new. What is more important, is that time at grandma's house is not boring and by keeping things available for them to do, their parents can visit and enjoy spending time with me and hubby too.

I always take a bag of goodies to the weddings, birthdays or baptisms we attend, even family funerals, so that the kids have something to occupy them and help them be good at large family gatherings.

I love being a grandmother, but it is on my terms. I look after my father, who is a dialysis and diabetic patient who has had a leg amputated. I look after my mother who still lives on her own, but counts on me to be there for her in any emergency. (She had a small stroke last year.) My husband, and the teenager still at home, have some serious health issues. So maybe my stand sounds selfish, but I have to set limits and boundaries, on how much I do and when I do it, because a lot of people depend on me, and if I don't take care of myself first, then I won't be available to any one who needs me.

No one in my family has or will ever call me selfish. They know I am a rock, and will be there when hell breaks loose. So like I said, I don't want to be a babysitter, and for my circumstances, I want to be a great grandma, and if I am in pain or burnt out, I know I won't have the patience with the kids, and that is not fair to my grandchildren. When I take them, its when I can put them first and give them my time, and play and pay attention to them. Not when I am running a thousand different directions trying to take care of everyone else.

I take my down time, as I need it, because I don't want to burn out, and fail to be there when someone needs me the most.

[dancingqueen]

I am always there for my children when they need me. I am always there for my grandchildren when they need me. In a crisis, I drop, roll and run to their rescue. I let my adult children choose how to raise their kids, and don't as a rule offer advice unless they ask for it, or unless someone is hurting (emotionally) and someone else may not be clueing in to that.

I spend more time with the grandchildren that are older, simply because of health reasons, I really can't lift the babies anymore, as it means I will pay the price and spend the next three days with back pain, migrains and neck and shoulder pain. Lifting young ones in and out of the car, kills me. Even more so in winter, when they are loaded down with snow suits and stuff.

My grandchildren are always excited to come to my house, I have a big box, like Mr. Dressup, where after holloween every year, I buy costumes at 75% off, and throw them in the trunk, and both the boys and girls have a blast playing with the outfits. I also have a shelf full of avarious age books, for reading times, and always have arts and crafts supplies to make things and colour or paint with at home. We have a huge assortment of playdough stuff, and tools, so the kids love that. And on a regular basis I restock the play boxes with new things from the dollar store. The kids get exciting just to come over and snoop through the stuff to see whats new. What is more important, is that time at grandma's house is not boring and by keeping things available for them to do, their parents can visit and enjoy spending time with me and hubby too.

I always take a bag of goodies to the weddings, birthdays or baptisms we attend, even family funerals, so that the kids have something to occupy them and help them be good at large family gatherings.

I love being a grandmother, but it is on my terms. I look after my father, who is a dialysis and diabetic patient who has had a leg amputated. I look after my mother who still lives on her own, but counts on me to be there for her in any emergency. (She had a small stroke last year.) My husband, and the teenager still at home, have some serious health issues. So maybe my stand sounds selfish, but I have to set limits and boundaries, on how much I do and when I do it, because a lot of people depend on me, and if I don't take care of myself first, then I won't be available to any one who needs me.

No one in my family has or will ever call me selfish. They know I am a rock, and will be there when hell breaks loose. So like I said, I don't want to be a babysitter, and for my circumstances, I want to be a great grandma, and if I am in pain or burnt out, I know I won't have the patience with the kids, and that is not fair to my grandchildren. When I take them, its when I can put them first and give them my time, and play and pay attention to them. Not when I am running a thousand different directions trying to take care of everyone else.

I take my down time, as I need it, because I don't want to burn out, and fail to be there when someone needs me the most.

Sounds a lot like Grandma's house when I was a kid, and as I got older, we went out a lot too
right down to the costume trunk.

[lk_wicked]

I think when adult kids complain about how much involvement their parents have in their children's lives, they need to see things from the grandparent's point of view, and look at what is going on in their lives at the time.