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View Poll Results: What is your opinion

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  • The father should pay for everything the child needs regardless of who is caring for him

    13 65.00%
  • The father should only be responsible for the childs needs when the child is with the father

    7 35.00%
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Thread: Just a question for Soonetters

  1. #1
    Senior Member Strife's Avatar
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    Default Just a question for Soonetters

    I was wondering, based on this scenario and this scenario alone, what would be your opinion?

    Mother and father are not together. They share custody of a younger boy that is still in diapers but potty training. The father works but the mother doesnt due to a medical disability. The mother has quite a few resources at her disposal for diapers, wipes and clothes if needed. She is also receiving assistance from the government to pay her rent and food. The father spends money to provide for the child when he is in his care and has purchased everything the child needs while staying with him.

    My question is, should the father be responsible for buying clothes and such as the season changes to give to the mother such as mitts, hat, jacket?
    <insert witty comment here>

  2. #2
    Senior Member Giggle Squirt's Avatar
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    Default Re: Just a question for Soonetters

    i don't think it matters where the money is coming from. the mother and father should come to an agreement and try to split expenses with the child. Even in a situation where the parents are living together there is discussion as to who pays for what and takes care of what.
    Aut Viam Inveniam Aut Faciam, which means "Either I will find a way or I will make one."

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Just a question for Soonetters

    If it is shared custody 50/50 then I would say that they should split. However making surethe childs needs come first I would probably just go buy what is needed atleast while I have the child and on exchanges. But that is just me.
    MagicFingers

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    Senior Member Dragonfly's Avatar
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    Default Re: Just a question for Soonetters

    Neither option suits my answer. As the ladies above have stated it should be a 50/50 agreement. If it is not the father (I am saying father because in this case you are a father) should pay for it simply because they child needs it and the needs of the child should always come before who should or should not have to do something.
    My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates

  5. #5
    Senior Member Giggle Squirt's Avatar
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    Default Re: Just a question for Soonetters

    If cost and finances are an isuse *and honestly when are they not* do what I do. Buy out of season and second hand. i just went to kmart and walmart and got the kids set for summer next year. short sets/ tshirts/ ect were on for .99 cents. last winter at the end of the season I bought my baby boots and a snow suit for this year. I paid 4$ for the boots (reg 40) and i got her a brand new roots snow suit for 40$. the jacket was reg 74.00 and the pants 54.00. I also buy pretty much all the clothing for my kids from OUAC and they are very well dressed. But honestly It really doesn't matter who has money coming from where ect. I still say parents should split the costs of raising the child together or not.
    Aut Viam Inveniam Aut Faciam, which means "Either I will find a way or I will make one."

  6. #6
    Senior Member Macs II's Avatar
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    Default Re: Just a question for Soonetters

    I don't know ...I pay child support every month but that has nothing to do with what I give or buy my kids top of that

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    Default Re: Just a question for Soonetters

    It's already been said but it doesn't matter where the money is coming from. My ex feels that since I "can" fully support my children financially, I "should" and I have never received anything from him. My kids don't even receive gifts from him. When it comes to things like clothing, a parent shouldn't really question it if he or she can afford it. I used to question it all the time. But when it comes to my kids (even the two young adults) I take care of what they want (within reason) and what they need.
    "One of the consequences of such notions as 'entitlements' is that people who have contributed nothing to society feel that society owes them something, apparently just for being nice enough to grace us with their presence".

    Thomas Sewell

  8. #8
    Senior Member Strife's Avatar
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    Default Re: Just a question for Soonetters

    Well this question stems from an incident earlier. I go across to pick up my son for the weekend. Today when I picked him up at the bus stop, he was napping but had pants that were too small for him on and no mitts. His hands and lower legs were FREEZING. I am all up for paying for stuff for my son now that I have the extra cash flow but last time I was aware, my ex had atleast 2 pairs of mitts that still fit him plus a hat and proper jacket.
    <insert witty comment here>

  9. #9
    Senior Member Macs II's Avatar
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    Default Re: Just a question for Soonetters

    You picked her

  10. #10
    Senior Member Giggle Squirt's Avatar
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    Default Re: Just a question for Soonetters

    kids grow pretty dam fast, believe me i have 3 of them. Mittens get lost pretty dam fast also... Why don't you buy him a nice warm jacket and get mittens with strings on them? My kids have 3 or 4 pairs each. There have been times that i put pants on my kids that looked like they fit, then when they sit down i realize they are way to short when they fit the week before. It is so easy to pick out the fault in everything the other parent does it doesn't matter if your together or separated.
    Aut Viam Inveniam Aut Faciam, which means "Either I will find a way or I will make one."

  11. #11
    Senior Member Blue Lotus Rising's Avatar
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    Default Re: Just a question for Soonetters

    Bottom line: Regardless of the he said she said BS, do you plan on letting your child go without because you feel it's not your responsibility to clothe him properly? Whatever this poll's results end up to be aren't going to change the circumstances, is it? This won't be the last time you're forced to make up for someone else's shortcomings.
    All that spirits desire, spirits attain.

    ~Kahlil Gibran~

  12. #12
    Senior Member Luv'inLife's Avatar
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    Default Re: Just a question for Soonetters

    I think the child should be provided with what is needed, I think it is irresponsible to send a child out without appropriate clothing[shame on Mom]...my Ex and I just get what is needed when its needed, doesnt matter who buys it, no tit for tat, they are OUR children and WE provide for them.
    Whimsical and Determined!

  13. #13
    Senior Member Giggle Squirt's Avatar
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    Default Re: Just a question for Soonetters

    why shame on mom? maybe the mother has provided to the child with the best in her means. maybe the father should not be trying to wiggle out of helping out with the child??? From the scenario the mother is not working and is obviously on some sort of government assistance. just suck it up, help the child out. the only one who is going to suffer in this situation is the child. It is obvious he needs new clothing and maybe some winter wear. I wouldn't even argue it or question it. If would make sure the child had what he needs and not try to smear the mother on a forum.
    Aut Viam Inveniam Aut Faciam, which means "Either I will find a way or I will make one."

  14. #14
    Senior Member Jackie B's Avatar
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    Default Re: Just a question for Soonetters

    How old is the child, if you don't mind my asking?

    I have a complete snow suit, boots and mitts with the strings included for a boy 2-4 years old, depending on his size. It's navy blue and yellow. You can have it if it will fit.
    Last edited by Jackie B; 11-14-2010 at 12:56 AM.
    I am not merely a mass of molecules, incoherently careening through time and space. I am a child of God, destined for another world, a world before which this one pales in significance. Our spiritual preparation for the next world is to be the priority of this life.

  15. #15
    Senior Member Luv'inLife's Avatar
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    Default Re: Just a question for Soonetters

    [QUOTE=Giggle Squirt;613291]why shame on mom? maybe the mother has provided to the child with the best in her means. maybe the father should not be trying to wiggle out of helping out with the child??? From the scenario the mother is not working and is obviously on some sort of government assistance. just suck it up, help the child out. the only one who is going to suffer in this situation is the child. It is obvious he needs new clothing and maybe some winter wear. I wouldn't even argue it or question it. If would make sure the child had what he needs and not try to smear the mother on a forum.[/QUOTE

    Shame on Mom for sending the child out with no mitts, Mom can get mitts from many places for free or cheep, and yes Dad can buy mitts also.
    Whimsical and Determined!

  16. #16
    Senior Member everywoman's Avatar
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    Default Re: Just a question for Soonetters

    My husbands ex did the same thing. Sent his son home with clothes that looked like they were too small and not appropriate. He sent the allotted child support, AND she worked. Sometimes it's a game. We bought him appropriate clothing so that he wouldn't feel ashamed. If she wanted to play silly games and make him feel bad, we didn't want to be a part of it. As if we'd let him wear clothes that were too small. And speaking of too small...it just goes to show some ppl's mind-set. Small.
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  17. #17
    Senior Member Luv'inLife's Avatar
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    Default Re: Just a question for Soonetters

    Quote Originally Posted by everywoman View Post
    My husbands ex did the same thing. Sent his son home with clothes that looked like they were too small and not appropriate. He sent the allotted child support, AND she worked. Sometimes it's a game. We bought him appropriate clothing so that he wouldn't feel ashamed. If she wanted to play silly games and make him feel bad, we didn't want to be a part of it. As if we'd let him wear clothes that were too small. And speaking of too small...it just goes to show some ppl's mind-set. Small.
    exactly...keep the children out of the games!
    Whimsical and Determined!

  18. #18
    Senior Member Little B's Avatar
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    Default Re: Just a question for Soonetters

    I dont believe that either of the choices in the poll are reasonable.

    Both parents should provide based on their means! It's not a male/female thing, some women are more well off financially than some men. whoever has the means to care for the child financially should just do so, why would this even be a question?
    ~~The hardest struggle of all is to be something different from what the average man is.~~

  19. #19
    Senior Member Anapeg's Avatar
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    Default Re: Just a question for Soonetters

    If it is your child, care for it. Unless you are comfortable seeing your kids wanting? You want to have a tug of war with your ex, use a rope not a kid, he is not a chess piece he is your flesh and blood.
    The aim of argument, or of discussion, should not be victory, but progress.
    Joseph Joubert

  20. #20
    Senior Member Dragonfly's Avatar
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    Default Re: Just a question for Soonetters

    Exactly, shame on mom for allowing a child to freeze in the cold or not seeking the proper avenues to get him what he needs, unsure of the age of the child but if he is young enough, I would hope that mom owns a blanket, and so could have wrapped him up nice and warm until replacements for these items could be found/bought. I would sell my toilet if I had to to make sure my kid was taken care of. As for Dad, same darned thing. You should not wag fingers if you there is even a question in your mind whether you should be providing it or not. Your kid needs it=your responsibility to get it for him. Case closed. Sure, it might be irritating that your ex is like this but unfortunately, this is not the child's fault.
    My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates

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