Cheating or been cheated on?

[MagicFingers]

I never cheated on anyone but I could have. What I mean by that is that, I was terribly unhappy with my ex husband, I started to realize that he was never going to change and make me a priority. By that I also mean that everyone and everything was more important. IE friends his family work even our pets I was never top of his list. We both lived with our parents until the day we got married and well I think he more thought he was getting someone other than his mother to cook and clean and take care of him and it helped that we were friends. But he didn't really love me so three years after our marriage I started to realize this, I grew as a person and realized I needed love I needed someone who was more than a friend. I tried to make it work we went to counselling but instead of that helping keep us together it tore us apart even further. When our counsellor asked him why he married me and he gave every other reason other than love I knew we were not meant to stay together. I realized if I stayed I would end up cheating on him, I also knew that no one deserved that. I knew I needed the much bigger connecction with someone, I need love passion, someone who would put me first or at least on the priority list. So I left him. I would have to say that was the best decision I ever made. I loved him enough to walk away instead of cheat. That is the one big thing I have always asked from my partners, I say partners plural because yes between my 1st husband and my 2nd I dated but I always told them to lie to me and cheat on me is worse than just breaking up and walking away. I never could understand someone who is so unhappy that they cheat, just be upfront and honest about it and if you feel you need to cheat get out of the relationship your in. Now I am married very happily, with two children and there is LOVE in my life and trust.

[NewCasa]

If you feel worthless and alone only for the reason that someone else cheated on you, then yes, I'm sorry, but your feelings are wrong.

How the hell can someone's feelings be wrong? They are feelings - they happen. Actions can be wrong, I suppose even thoughts can be wrong, but feelings? Next you'll be saying that kids are wrong to feel happy on Christmas.

[8th]

LOL.

[Misschix]

DQ as much as i respect you..... as someone who was there and witnessed what Lynys went through, the many emmotions, the outrage, the destruction of her family, damn straight ,,,,she had every right to hurt....and to have my OWN fiance at the time watch what Lynys went through sympathize with her and then decide afterwards to do it to me? with my own family member.......people can be disgusting !!!!! I do not trust a soul.........and for her to have an amazing husband who cares about her at this point in time was prob an eye opener for her that not all people are jerks! After i was cheated on 4 years later i still find it hard to trust anyone......i find it hard ....it also makes it hard for said person who is trying to honestly love you ...and you cant really focus cause your always thinking "what if" its not fair for the next person.... emmotions can take a huge toll on you.....feelings...you always do wonder what if? u also wonder what did you do wrong?....when in all actuality , it is the ******* that hurt you , but you tend to blame yourself, it is a vicious cycle and i do NOT wish it on anyone!!!!!!

[dancingqueen]

DQ as much as i respect you..... as someone who was there and witnessed what Lynys went through, the many emmotions, the outrage, the destruction of her family, damn straight ,,,,she had every right to hurt....and to have my OWN fiance at the time watch what Lynys went through sympathize with her and then decide afterwards to do it to me? with my own family member.......people can be disgusting !!!!! I do not trust a soul.........and for her to have an amazing husband who cares about her at this point in time was prob an eye opener for her that not all people are jerks! After i was cheated on 4 years later i still find it hard to trust anyone......i find it hard ....it also makes it hard for said person who is trying to honestly love you ...and you cant really focus cause your always thinking "what if" its not fair for the next person.... emmotions can take a huge toll on you.....feelings...you always do wonder what if? u also wonder what did you do wrong?....when in all actuality , it is the ******* that hurt you , but you tend to blame yourself, it is a vicious cycle and i do NOT wish it on anyone!!!!!!

I didn't say she shouldn't be hurt. I know all to well what it's like to be cheated on. I'm just saying that it is my opinion that a person being cheated on should not feel worthless and alone, I feel it perpetuates victim blaming, and damages one's self image.

[dancingqueen]

How the hell can someone's feelings be wrong? They are feelings - they happen. Actions can be wrong, I suppose even thoughts can be wrong, but feelings? Next you'll be saying that kids are wrong to feel happy on Christmas.

Well I FEEL it is wrong then, are you now telling me my feelings are wrong?

[IMHO]

Does this silly topic EVER end?

[official soonet pu$$ycat]

Does this silly topic EVER end?

Do you ever threaten to leave and then actually leave?

[Hans]

Well I FEEL it is wrong then, are you now telling me my feelings are wrong?

Yes, because it comes from your unconscious mind. Your conscious mind is the part of your brain that contains everything inside of your awareness.

[KDawg]

Yes, because it comes from your unconscious mind. Your conscious mind is the part of your brain that contains everything inside of your awareness.

There is nothing wrong with your television set. Do not attempt to adjust the picture. We are controlling transmission. If we wish to make it louder, we will bring up the volume. If we wish to make it softer, we will tune it to a whisper. We will control the horizontal. We will control the vertical. We can roll the image, make it flutter. We can change the focus to a soft blur or sharpen it to crystal clarity. For the next hour, sit quietly and we will control all that you see and hear. We repeat: there is nothing wrong with your television set. You are about to participate in a great adventure. You are about to experience the awe and mystery which reaches from the inner mind to — The Outer Limits.

[NewCasa]

Well I FEEL it is wrong then, are you now telling me my feelings are wrong?

Nice try buddy. You THINK it is wrong. Now, how does that make you feel?

[dancingqueen]

Nice try buddy. You THINK it is wrong. Now, how does that make you feel?

Oh, well what I forgot to say is that I feel my thoughts are just as important as my feelings.
I feel you should have known this feeling I had, and that I feel I can fly
So, since one's feelings can never be wrong....

[dancingqueen]

I doubt it, he doesn't usually come off sounding like a pretentious d-bag.

I feel like you are insulting me. That's not very nice.

[dancingqueen]

Yes, because it comes from your unconscious mind. Your conscious mind is the part of your brain that contains everything inside of your awareness.

But... but... you can't say if someone's feelings are wrong.

[Hans]

But... but... you can't say if someone's feelings are wrong.

That is correct.
Feeling something is wrong is not the same as a feeling that is wrong.

[dancingqueen]

Come on man, you took enough psych courses to know the difference between thoughts and feelings.

You've been reduced to trying to blur the lines between 'thinking' and 'being aware of an emotional state', because you don't have a leg to stand on.

You lost the debate, and that's okay. You took a ridiculous position, did your best, and came up short. Your experimentation into playing the douchey devil's advocate should now end.

Semantics won't be your saviour.

I was done about a page ago, I recognize my opinion differed and left it at that. I am not stating anything as a fact here. Since dropping the topic I've really just been farting around. So, calm your tits and don't take things so seriously.

[dancingqueen]

That is correct.
Feeling something is wrong is not the same as a feeling that is wrong.

Care to clarify?
What do wrongs "feel" like?

[gouligann]

Care to clarify?
What do wrongs "feel" like?

To define this in my words:
Seeing a dog being whipped and FEELING that the act is wrong.
A feeling that would be wrong in my eyes, is knowing someone is feeling GOOD seeing a dog being whipped.

[Hans]

Care to clarify?
What do wrongs "feel" like?

If you have to ask that than you have a serious problem.

[dancingqueen]

If you have to ask that than you have a serious problem.

White flag accepted.