What to do?

[Sophie's_Mommy]

Well i just found out that my best friend of 26 yrs who is only 28 yrs old, is dying of 3 different cancers. She saw a doctor today and they have her scheduled for emergency hysterectomy. She has cervical, ovarian, and nyphonotes (sp) cancer. The doctors said that the lumps in her neck are way to far along ( which is the nyphonotes(sp) i believe) that she has very little time left.
Heres my issue. She has not and does not plan on telling her parents about this, in other words the only way they will ever know is when they get a call from someone saying she has died. NOw she does not want me to tell her parents, which i wont because i respect her wishes, but she wants to to tell her dad at the funeral that she wanted to tell him but she diden t want her mother to know because her mother is not in right state of mind. NOw when i tell her dad this at her funeral he may get extremely upset with me that i did not inform him earlier so he could spend the last little while with his daughter. She needs her family's support. But she refuses to tell them, i ve tried convincing her so much to tell them, but she refuses.
What the hell do I do? Her parents need to know, shes only 28 and seeing how she will pass away in less then 3 months, i think her parents would want to spend that last few moments with her. Im so confused right now, her family is like my family, and i think they need to know, but i have promised not to tell them.
What would u guys do?

[Macs II]

You should respect her wishes.

[sage]

Tough call for sure - do what your heart tells you.
If my child was dying - I'd like to know so I wouldn't waste any time.

[everywoman]

I would also respect her wishes. Is there a way though that maybe you could help her plan a family get together? That way, if she only has a bit of time left, they will have had this one last big family time together with good memories, but they won't know why, necesarily. It's a tough call, but ultimately, it's her choice.

[Sophie's_Mommy]

i agree macs. But what if it were your child that was dying. I know not a fair question, but what if u were her father, would u get mad that i never told u till at her funeral. I am respecting her request but im finding it very hard to sit here and not say anything.

[Striker]

At 28 she's old enough to make these decisions.Is it the right one for her, you'll know.You've known her long enough.

[Sophie's_Mommy]

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: everywoman</div><div class="ubbcode-body">I would also respect her wishes. Is there a way though that maybe you could help her plan a family get together? That way, if she only has a bit of time left, they will have had this one last big family time together with good memories, but they won't know why, necesarily. It's a tough call, but ultimately, it's her choice. </div></div>

i agree. She lives in Barrie and her parents are here. She weighs less the 80 pounds, so they would know something was wrong with her right away. And she refuses to come here to visit or to tell them. So i guess i have to respect her wishes and not say anything, but at the funeral maybe i wont say anything, but then again she wants to to tell her dad. Damn this is hard.

[blueeyedgirl]

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: everywoman</div><div class="ubbcode-body">I would also respect her wishes. Is there a way though that maybe you could help her plan a family get together? That way, if she only has a bit of time left, they will have had this one last big family time together with good memories, but they won't know why, necesarily. It's a tough call, but ultimately, it's her choice. </div></div>

I agree with everywoman

[Sophie's_Mommy]

Im just going to do and say what she wants to do . She also wants me to take her 2 ferrets when she goes and give them a good home, which i told her i would.

[Macs II]

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Shawn's Girl</div><div class="ubbcode-body">i agree macs. But what if it were your child that was dying. I know not a fair question, but what if u were her father, would u get mad that i never told u till at her funeral. I am respecting her request but im finding it very hard to sit here and not say anything. </div></div>

Of course I would like to know as a parent. But you have to understand she has no control over anything anymore, only thing she has left that she has any control over is her last wishes and she needs to have someone she can trust to carry them out. Don't break her trust.

[SusyQ]

Hunny she's your best friend you don't want her too go knowing she was angry that you told her family. Respect her and make happy memories and be by her side.

[Sophie's_Mommy]

i would never break her trust, shes my best friend, and im going to do what she has asked me to do, i will not say anything to them till the funeral like she asked me to. She wants me to go down and spend the last little while she has left, so i may be packing up and going to barrie for a few months, so i can be there for her and she has someone there with her threw the tough times. She is alone in barrie so i think its right of me to do this for her, she would do it for me.

[Sophie's_Mommy]

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: SusyQ</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Hunny she's your best friend you don't want her too go knowing she was angry that you told her family. Respect her and make happy memories and be by her side. </div></div>

yup i fully agree, i would never want to live knowing that she died mad at me.

[Miles From Nowhere]

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Shawn's Girl</div><div class="ubbcode-body">
So i guess i have to respect her wishes and not say anything, but at the funeral maybe i wont say anything, but then again she wants to to tell her dad. </div></div>

It may be hard to take this to your grave, but if I were in your shoes, I wouldn't say anything at the funeral as well. Respect your friend's wishes in life, but allow her parents to remember her without burdening them with the coulda, shoulda, woulda's. As a parent myself, that would damn me to hell on earth to know that.

[Macs II]

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Shawn's Girl</div><div class="ubbcode-body">i would never break her trust, shes my best friend, and im going to do what she has asked me to do, i will not say anything to them till the funeral like she asked me to. She wants me to go down and spend the last little while she has left, so i may be packing up and going to barrie for a few months, so i can be there for her and she has someone there with her threw the tough times. She is alone in barrie so i think its right of me to do this for her, she would do it for me. </div></div>

Thats exactly what you should do.

[tormented]

That's an awful weight to carry but I agree with everyone else..she needs to be in charge of her own destiny and last remaining time. If its what she wants then do it and if you can go to her do that to. Try to give her a few more smiles and make peace with her decision.

[goodasgold]

Maybe you could suggest that your friend write a letter to her dad that you can give to him at the funeral. She may be able to express her wishes better in that letter, than you could in person to him. Especially when emotions are going to be involved. I know I would want to know ahead of time also, but on the other hand, I would hate knowing that my child was dying too.

[Babzz]

I am so sorry you are being but in such an awkward situation.. All I can say is follow your heart and your instincts on this one. Its not an easy one..
Hugs to you and I am so sorry about your friend.

[everywoman]

Yes, like Babzz said, I am truly sorry to hear about your friend. I was so busy focused on the question you asked that I forgot to express my sadness and wishes to you about losing someone special.

[Bufford]

I say follow her wishes as for not saying anything but as for what to say to her family at the funeral no darn way, that is not the time the family wants or needs to hear “she said” tell her to put it in writing and you will see that the letters gets to the right people at the right time.