Vianet.ca
+ Reply to Thread
Results 1 to 3 of 3

Thread: Disorder in the Court

  1. #1
    Senior Member adigirl's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2002
    Location
    I'm right here silly!
    Posts
    5,821

    Default Disorder in the Court

    > These are from a book called Disorder in the American

    > Courts, and are things people actually said in court,

    > word for word, taken down and now published by court

    > reporters who had the torment of staying calm while

    > these exchanges were actually taking place.

    > _______________________________________________

    >

    > ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?

    > WITNESS: No, I just lie there.

    > __________________________________________________ __________________

    >

    > ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the

    > impact?

    > WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

    > ________________________________________________

    >

    > ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your

    > memory at all?

    > WITNESS: Yes.

    > ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

    >

    > WITNESS: I forget.

    > ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of

    > something you forgot?

    > ________________________________________________

    >

    > ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said

    > to you that morning?

    > WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"

    > ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?

    > WITNESS: My name is Susan!

    >

    > ________________________________________________

    >

    > ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person

    > dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the

    > next morning?

    > WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

    > ________________________________________________

    >

    > ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-one-year-old,

    > how old is he?

    > WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.

    > ________________________________________________

    >

    > ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was

    > taken?

    > WITNESS: Are you ****tin' me?

    >

    > ________________________________________________

    >

    > ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was

    > August 8th?

    > WITNESS: Yes.

    > ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?

    > WITNESS: Uh.... I was getting laid!

    > ________________________________________________

    >

    > ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?

    > WITNESS: Yes.

    > ATTORNEY: How many were boys?

    > WITNESS: None.

    > ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

    > WITNESS: Are you ****tin' me? Your Honor, I think I

    > need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?

    > ________________________________________________

    >

    > ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?

    > WITNESS: By death.

    > ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?

    > WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?

    > ________________________________________________

    >

    > ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?

    > WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.

    > ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?

    > WITNESS: Guess.

    > ________________________________________________

    >

    > ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning

    > pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your

    > attorney?

    > WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

    > ________________________________________________

    >

    > ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you

    > performed on dead people?

    > WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead

    > people. Would you like to rephrase that?

    > ________________________________________________

    >

    > ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What

    > school did you go to?

    > WITNESS: Oral.

    > ________________________________________________

    >

    > ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the

    > body?

    > WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

    > ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?

    > WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why

    > I was doing an autopsy on him!

    > ________________________________________________

    >

    > -- And the best for last: ---

    >

    >

    > ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy,

    > did you check for a pulse?

    > WITNESS: No.

    > ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?

    > WITNESS: No.

    > ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?

    > WITNESS: No.

    > ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was

    > alive when you began the autopsy?

    > WITNESS: No.

    > ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

    > WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a

    > jar.

    > ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been

    > alive, nevertheless?

    > WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been

    > alive and practicing law



    ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  2. #2
    J*B
    Guest

    Default Re: Disorder in the Court

    Takes all kinds to make the world go' round.. [img]/ubbthreads/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/smile.gif[/img]

  3. #3
    Senior Member A*lil*Loopy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Location
    Local Yokel and proud
    Posts
    4,467

    Default Re: Disorder in the Court

    Thank you! I laughed so hard, that's funny stuff.
    "Everyone can rise above their circumstances and achieve success if they are dedicated to and passionate about what they do."

+ Reply to Thread

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

     

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts